Pen Pals

My daughter is an excellent writer. Her creativity and imagination, coupled with her way with words, makes her writing enjoyable to read. Getting her to write, however, is like pulling teeth.

I don't remember how the idea came up, but a few weeks ago I found myself talking about pen pals on Facebook with a few people. My daughter acquired two pen pals that same night and another today, and my son managed to get himself one as well. My hope is that this activity will help to connect her more with others, be a positive social experience, and help to sharpen her writing skills in a way she really enjoys. Pen pals are cool.

One of the bonus benefits of having pen pals is that we are already having discussions about conversations with others. She is just writing her first letters, and it is already proving to be a great way for me to discuss social things in a more tangible way than just hypotheticals and possibilities. I suggested asking questions for her new pen pals to answer, instead of making the letters one-sided and talking only about herself. I explained that this is key to being a good listener and having positive outcomes in all kinds of social interactions.

Kentucky City Arrests Children In Attempt to Prevent School Financial Losses

In Convington, Kentucky, new legislation makes skipping school a misdemeanor. Yes, that's right; kids who skip school can now be arrested for a crime.

On the surface, this might seem reasonable; actions have consequences and failure to meet responsibilities, by choice, certainly falls into that category. But, where are the statistics on why children are not meeting school attendance requirements?

Before I address that topic, I would like to briefly discuss the path of a child who is charged with a misdemeanor crime for skipping school. Chances are likely that a judge and perhaps a juvenile detention facility may be involved in such a case. And, if the child is ditching school to go steal, obtain drugs, or engage in other illegal activity, this is clearly a criminal issue. Such a child might benefit from rehabilitative youth programs. However, what about the child who is so overcome with anxiety about dealing with school-related anxiety that they are worrying themselves sick each morning? Do they deserve to be charged with a crime, to stand before a judge, or to land in a juvenile detention facility? Can you "scare straight" a child who is already frightened to face their classmates, or it it just psychological torture at that point? Personally, I believe the latter. And few schools consider the bullying epidemic as part of the truancy problem; they prefer instead to treat them as separate issues.

In Belen, New Mexico, where a similar law goes into effect this year, truancy expert (seriously?) Rochard Romero said, "The safest place for kids is at school..." Assertions like this really fry my grits, because I can unequivocally tell you that my child was not safest at school. In fact, school and the bus she rode to get there were two of the most dangerous places she went. I watched a bright, confident, smiling little girl, full of self-esteem and thinking she could conquer the world, morph into a quieter, less confident, almost fearful little girl who started getting tummy aches at the end of the weekend before returning to school. She was clawed, spat on, pushed, hit with her own lunch box, and pelted in the face with a rock snowball on the playground - and that's not all. In the 6 months she has been away from that environment, her confidence is growing, she is smiling all the time like she used to, and I can't get her to stop talking (and dude, sometimes I really wish I could).

Not all children who skip school do so because they're defiant youngsters with poor discipline. There are many reasons for truancy, and many of them are related to how schools handle problems that arise for students. Attendance problems should first be addressed by school counseling staff who are adequately trained in the effects of peer abuse and bullying. Sadly, far too many people consider bullying a harmless rite of passage.

Children receive so many mixed messages about abuse. Schools tell children to report abuse they are subjected to at home or by caregivers, sending the very clear message that it is not okay. And I agree, it is not okay. Children who are abused absolutely should report it and feel safe doing so. But at the very same time children are receiving the message that it is not okay for adults to harm them, they are being abused by their peers - sometimes to the point of suicide and often to the point of serious psychological detriment - on a regular basis. Schools are doing very little, beyond giving the bullying epidemic a lot of lip service and putting on a very thin facade of anti-bullying propaganda designed to make parents believe they're making an effort. It is my firm belief that school attendance could be dramatically improved if there was more walk and less talk where bullying is concerned.

There are, of course, other reasons a child may be skipping school. Autism spectrum disorders and sensory processing disorders, for example, are two reasons a child may be having an extremely difficult time in school, though they may not be able to explain or define what their trouble is. They may not even think to share some of the sensory issues they struggle with, assuming that everyone has the same issues and they just deal with them poorly. Many children with sensory processing difficulties have been told things like, "Everyone else can deal with it, why can't you?" Though there is a very legitimate issue, they internalize this and come to believe that they are the source of their own problems and are simply not good enough to compensate like they believe everyone else does. With the very high rate of these diagnoses among children this past decade, schools should have specialists on hand who are familiar with sensory disorders and autism. Would that not be better than labeling children as criminals and slapping them with a record?

The school years can be tumultuous times even for students who are not dealing with bullying or personal difficulties. There could be academic difficulties, stress at home, or any number of other things or combinations of things that children are dealing with. In our society, there seems to be this belief that children are not really people; they do not deserve basic human rights or the same ability to protect themselves. They are often not seen as individuals and their troubles are easily dismissed. This is laziness on the part of parents, educators, schools, and caregivers. Children are not born into this world with their motivation and personalities fully intact, and they need us to guide them, encourage them, and help them become the people they are. Children are frequently defined by those around them, rather than encouraged in positive ways.

I do not believe that we raise healthy, responsible children by allowing them to be abused by their peers, silencing their voices, terrifying them into obedience, or furnishing them with a criminal record for not falling in line with their compulsory attendance at school. Children need to be taught lessons in life about responsibility. They need hope, guidance, love, compassion, respect, and some measure of freedom to make their own decisions (within reason, of course).

You might say to yourself, if kids are having a legitimate problem which is resulting in repeated absence, the schools would deal with these situations differently. And I'm here to tell you there is a better chance of a unicorn happily dancing through your yard under a rainbow with a leprechaun holding a pot of gold with your name on it. Children are dollar signs to schools, and schools do not like to be parted with their money.

Japeniesee

He's already tutoring his older sister in math and spelling. Should I be surprised he is trying to teach himself Japanese? I mean, of course he'd do this.

[Disclaimer: I have no clue what those characters mean.]

He Will Sword You.

Little G [wielding his new foam sword]: "Nobody messes with me! 'Cept for my mama. 'Cause I love her. Anybody else messes with me and I will sword you!!"

Love this kid.

Common Questions People Ask About Homeschooling

Some of the most common questions I am asked as a homeschooling parent are: What does your day look like? Do you teach for as many hours as they teach in regular schools? Isn't it difficult? Do your kids respect you as teacher, or do they think they can get away with stuff because you're mom? Do they have recess? What do you do for gym class? How do you teach two grades at the same time? Do your kids still get up early? Do they 'go to school' in their pajamas? Well, I've finally put together a post to answer these questions!

Do you teach for as many hours as they [the teachers] teach in regular [public, bricks and mortar] schools?

No. And yes. Are my children sitting with pencil to paper for 6 hours per day in a highly-structured manner? No. But if I tried to quantify the hours they spend learning, it would add up to more than the typical school day. Because I am the one teaching them, I can slip relevant information into just about every aspect of their daily routines, and I often do. Baking is science and math. There is history all around us. Health is a part of our lives every day. And my children and I love to hula hoop, so we get lots of physical activity that way and count it toward our physical education hours. My husband and I will discuss what they have learned and delve deeper into history lessons or do flash card contests in the evenings or on weekends. I find a lot of great resources on YouTube (travel videos are a fun way to learn more about geography and world landscapes, for example). The whole world is a classroom without limits! Learning at home is a much different style of learning, and affords us a lot of flexibility. For us, flexibility means enrichment opportunities more than location or time.

Isn't it difficult?

It really isn't! I was a little nervous (okay, completely terrified) going into this adventure. However, I did a couple of years worth of researching various curriculum options and I feel extremely good about choosing K12. The curriculum is excellent and the support is very good. There is very little I don't love about K12.

In terms of keeping the kids focused, I really don't have a problem there. They love to learn, and I have been "teaching" my son since he was a baby because he has autism and a speech disorder. This is no different for him than teaching him sign language or doing his speech homework. There is a lot of reading in the K12 curriculum as well, and I have read to my children since before they were even born. It is a very good fit for us. My daughter did have a rough few days one week, but that's about it. I think it was more that she wasn't feeling well than anything else. As long as you already have rules and discipline, and you discuss with your child the responsibilities of learning at home, homeschooling should not be difficult - especially with a supportive structure like K12 has.

Do your kids respect you as teacher, or do they think they can get away with stuff because you're mom?

My children respect me as mom already, and all parents are teachers whether they homeschool or not. I always find myself telling other parents this, because it's so true; you are your child's first and most important teacher. The only things I ask that differ at all during learning hours are raising a hand during discussions (which my daughter does whether we're learning or not - and it's kind of funny), and there is a no electronics rule (except, of course, the computer).

Do they have recess?

Yes, they do! Indoors or outdoors, depending on the weather. Sometimes we go for a walk, sometimes they play a board game, and sometimes they combine recess and physical education and do some hooping or bike riding.

What do you do for gym class?

Lots of things! We do many of the things children would do in a bricks and mortar school, and a lot more. I try to involve my children in community sports when possible, we ride bikes, we hula hoop, they do sit-ups, squat jumps, jumping jacks, balloon chases, run races, do hopscotch challenges, play catch, jump rope, and much more. The possibilities are endless!

How do you teach two grades at the same time?

It's very easy. I work with one child while the other works independently. Also, since my son is in Kindergarten, but doing 1st and 2nd grade work, much of what I am teaching works well for both grades. This makes it much easier for me, but I think we would do just fine even with a much greater grade level difference. It's all about time management and finding a groove that works for you. It takes a few weeks when you're just starting out to find that groove, but things go surprisingly well once you do.

Do your kids still get up early?

Usually, but now I don't have to worry about a rough morning if they have a cute holiday movie on TV until 10PM! My daughter used to catch the bus shortly after 8AM. She used to wake up at 7AM to be ready, and now she wakes up closer to 8:30AM. However, we're usually starting our school day around the same time the public schools are because their transportation time is our breakfast time.

Do your kids 'go to school' in their pajamas?

Not always, but sometimes! And sometimes upside down in pajamas!


They both like to start the day in pajamas, for the most part. Unless we have something fun planned, in which case they want to get dressed up before I even have breakfast started.

Do you have questions? Feel free to ask! If there's one thing I love to talk about, it's definitely homeschooling!

New York Times Targets K12, Online Schools In Severely Biased Article

Since we began learning at home as a family, my daughter has had a couple of rough days. Call it a rough week, even. But compared to having her come home with injuries from bullies, having her self-esteem chipped at on a daily basis, and the fact that she started to develop tummy aches about getting on the bus each day when she used to grin ear to ear every morning anticipating the day she would be old enough to ride that bus to school, I'd call our rough week a mere bump in the road. As for my son, he hasn't had one day of learning at home that I could consider rough. He craves knowledge and literally begs me to continue teaching on weekends, a request I am happy to indulge. I can make choices about the children my children associate with. I'm aware of what they are learning and I can always easily slip curriculum-enriching things into our day. We don't have homework in the traditional sense, so our evenings are family time instead of a mad dash to finish a mountain of homework, take baths, throw down some dinner, and get into bed. And academically, they are excelling. The experience has made us all happier.

Homeschooling has been a wonderful option for us, and I can't say enough good things about K12. But apparently, people feel threatened by school choice (or is it the loss of funds for their districts?) and feel the need to attack online schools. A recent New York Times article was a catalyst for some major misconceptions about K12 and similar schools. I, and many others, took great offense to how K12 and the families enrolled in their school were portrayed.

My daughter attended a bricks and mortar school for two arduous years. While I will quickly admit that her classroom teachers were both excellent - even exceptional, I was profoundly unimpressed by everything else. Perhaps most disturbing was having a school system telling me how - and if - I could parent my own child for the great majority of the day, five days a week, while they failed to do even a mediocre job of protecting her or following their own policies. The lack of predictability, reliability, and safety were major concerns. The only thing predictable about sending my child out that door each day was that, at some point, I was going to get a call about some kid doing some thing to my child. Again.

I'm quite certain that having parents regaining control of their children's lives scares some people in this country to their very cores. Independent thinkers? Oh my. People like that are so much more difficult to control and manipulate, and they tend not to believe everything they're told. They ask questions. That could be bad for those who wish to maintain control over the masses.

The New York Times article, Profits and Questions at Online Charter Schools throws out a real golden nugget of revelation with the statement, "Kids mean money." Wow, really? Anyone with a functioning brain above their stem realizes this as fact, but let's examine how this affects people on a personal level. The article attempts to make it sound like this is some kind of proof that K12 has profits over kids in mind, but I challenge any parent in any school district to take a good hard look and tell me if that isn't true for bricks and mortar schools - to a much greater degree. At public school, my child contributed thousands of dollars each year just by existing there. To her personally, that translated into a sub-standard school environment, heavily-used books and materials, and parents contributing a lot of time and money from our own pockets. On the other hand, I enrolled my children in K12, and I had 100 pounds of brand new school supplies delivered to my door. Free. Yes, free. We paid nothing. I had to go buy a bookshelf to dedicate to just the books, CDs, and DVDs alone, and I had to clear an entire cabinet in the kitchen for all of the science materials, paints, clay, and other materials. And comparatively speaking, my children cost taxpayers much less as homeschoolers than they would if they had continued to attend our local public schools.

The article presents another epic failure of an argument with this little gem: "Current and former staff members of K12 Inc. schools say problems begin with intense recruitment efforts that fail to filter out students who are not suited for the program, which requires strong parental commitment and self-motivated students." Here's a newsflash: any form of education requires strong parental commitment. Whether a child is attending a bricks and mortar school, an online school, a private school, or a traditional homeschool, parental involvement is the number one factor in a child's success. Uninvolved parents who do not participate in their child's education can turn the brightest child with the greatest potential for success into an academic failure with zero motivation, and it happens all the time in public schools.

I'm quite tired of parents being painted as morons who are incapable of contributing to their children's academic success. An Agora teacher paints a profoundly biased picture with the statement, "When you have the television and the Xbox and no parental figure at home, sometimes it’s hard to do your schoolwork." First of all, we don't even own a game console. Second, my children have never been left alone in their lives. And finally, K12 kids are assessed regularly. If they are not making it, there is accountability. We are responsible for making sure our children are progressing; there is not the huge disconnect portrayed in the article. Further, they quote a mother, Mrs. Ubiarco, as saying, "I called the teacher the other day to find out what a simple predicate is...She said it’s the verb. I said why don’t they just say that?" To this I say, wow. You needed to call a teacher for that? Try Google. Better yet, that handy little teacher's guide you get with every course might be helpful, too. The New York Times apparently left out all of the many successful examples of K12 students and found a handful of disgruntled teachers, and a few parents who use videogames to babysit their children, don't know how to tell their child to put the iPod away, and manage their time very poorly to represent our online school. Bias much?

Of our attendance requirements, the same Agora teacher who made the Xbox comment said, "Students need simply to log in to be marked present for the day." While it is true that K12 is not sending someone to the door of each and every homeschooled student each day to be sure each child has pencil to paper, the academic progress and assessments speak for themselves. A child who is not "attending" regularly is not going to meet standards, plain and simple.

And then, because you can't have any good, irrational anti-homeschool argument without bringing the topic of "socialization" into it, the deputy superintendent of Memphis City Schools, Irving Hamer, offered the following: “The early development of children requires lots of interaction with other children for purposes of socialization, developing collaboration and teamwork, and self-definition." Fascinating. Children couldn't possibly garner these skills from, say, Scouts, homeschool co-ops, neighborhood children, friends of the family, siblings, K12's field trips and other opportunities for social development, community sports or classes, or anywhere other than public school? I'd like to inquire as to when children are obtaining these wonderful social skills in school; would it be on the playground, the school bus, or in the lunch room? As far as my personal experience tells me, those are basically the only times children are doing any socializing in bricks and mortar schools - and it is largely unsupervised and where most bullying takes place. Ah, but Mr. Hamer's pompous assertions probably shouldn't surprise me, since a quick Google search revealed that he handles people who disagree with his policies by telling them to "go flip burgers". Nice. I think I'll pass on any social advice he proffers, particularly since Mr. Hamer's degree is in education and not child psychology.

The article (yes, it's quite lengthy) goes on to say that schools like K12 have "aggressive recruitment campaigns". I prefer to view them as awareness campaigns, which are rather necessary with anti-homeschool propaganda such as the New York Times article that prompted this blog post. K12 and schools like it do try to provide many informative opportunities for parents who have been brainwashed into believing that they cannot contribute much to their child's education beyond buying school clothes and supplies, and joining the PTA. Parents need to become aware of how much they really mean to their children in terms of learning and education. I cannot begin to count how many times people say to me, upon learning that I homeschool two advanced learners, "I could never do that." My response is always the same, "Yes, you absolutely could." Any parent with the time and desire to teach their child can teach their child. K12 has amazing teacher support. You are never alone. But public schools do everything they can to convince you that homeschooled children will be socially-awkward, poorly educated nitwits who will never go on to college. K12 has students go on to Harvard. But those students were not included in the Times article. I'd laugh at how utterly ridiculous the Times article is, if I didn't know so many people really believe that.

Is K12 perfect? No. But it's lightyears ahead of bricks and mortar schools in every way, in my opinion. Nothing is perfect. This is a relatively new concept and there will be bumps. Overall, I think this is a wonderful thing. There will always be naysayers who don't like change or who are just too uninformed to make any kind of judgment about this type of education. As for the New York Times, I'm not (nor was I ever) sure why people give that rag so much credibility. The reporting is poor and biased, the stories are highly sensationalized, and I wouldn't use that publication to line my cat's litter pan.

Celebrities and Bullying

The new fashionable trend in Hollywood these days is the statement, "I was bullied in school, too." At first, this appeared to be a good thing. When celebrities talk, people listen. But now? Now people are saying to themselves, "Meh, everyone gets bullied. So what?" This celebrity bullying bandwagon has served to take the anti-bullying movement, which had gone from meh, everyone gets bullied to a growing awareness of a serious problem, right back to meh.

When I was dealing with some serious bullying issues as a kid, my mother told me a billion times how this celebrity was ridiculed about big lips, and that ones was teased for her height. "But look at them now! They got the last laugh," she would say. Thing was, I had exactly zero interest in celebrities, being a celebrity, or anything celebrities did. I didn't care what they were wearing, what they looked like, how much money they had, or how many people wanted to be like them. I never understood people who fawned over celebrities, and I still don't. So my mother's well-intended sharing this information with me basically accomplished nothing more than convincing me that she had no idea what I was going through and no clue who I was as a person. At all.

While I am probably a statistically significant exception to the rule on my opinion of celebrities, or lack thereof, I realize these idols do have the power to influence parents and young people. I'm glad they are trying to do something, even if it is just to look fashionable. Thing is, if getting teased about my name was my biggest issue, I wouldn't call it bullying. I want to hear from the celebrity who was bullied to the point their life was significantly altered, or they actually attempted suicide over it. Those celebrities exist, but they are few. And the impact of severe bullying tends to be lifelong; the shame of repeated abuse over years and years sticks with a person to the point they may be unwilling to share, even to help someone else. That is the sad, scary reality for many children and teens these days.

I have been thankful beyond words more times than I can count that I didn't have to grow up in the age of the internet, cell phones, texting, cell phone cameras, and so forth. It is the introduction of these technologies that makes it more critical than ever for bullying prevention to be implemented by everyone caring for children at every age and in every part of a child's life. Parents, teachers, school administrators, and individuals working in the school transportation departments all need to come together to make and enforce anti-bullying policies. Bullying is extremely serious, and it goes so far beyond name-calling or taking someone's lunch money. Children can be cruel, and teachers can be bullies, accomplices, or perpetrators as well. Childhood should be a time of innocence and healthy development. Bullying, abuse by one's peers or teachers, can destroy a child's chance at having that innocence or healthy development, and it can ruin their chances of academic success as well.

This topic is easy to turn away from if you are not directly affected. But don't. We shouldn't allow ourselves to become numb to the pain and suffering children are enduring on a daily basis when bullies turn their school days into a terrifying, demoralizing, abusive nightmare. Forget celebrities, because they make it easy to forget the lives ruined by bullying. The suicides. The high school drop outs. The ones who might have found the cure for cancer, who instead gave up and wanted nothing more to do with education because they associated learning with pain and misery and could never trust people again. The ones living with nightmares, even as adults, because of their tormented childhood years. Bullying is no less devastating than any other form of child abuse, and it absolutely must stop now. The only way that happens is if we all come together and stand against bullying. There is no excuse for abuse.