Potentials

My son taught me how to quickly calculate larger numbers in my head.

He was 5 when he taught me this trick.

It was 38 + 42 that brought us to this epiphany. He spat the answer out in seconds. I asked, G, how did you do that so fast? The answer was 80. He said, "Moooom, it's easy. You break apart the numbers. Give the 2 to the 38 and make it 40, so then it's just 40 + 40, and that is super easy...80!."

Uh, woah.

And he was right. When he put it in those terms, it was super easy. That's now his mind works naturally. He's a problem solver by nature. I'm not built that way. I can learn, but it isn't built into my make-up like it is for Little G.

When Little G was just 23 months old, we learned that he is autistic. Just a short time later, we were told that he has hypotonia (low muscle tone) and a speech disorder (not just delay). And at the same time, we were also told that he might have a genetic condition (Beckwith-Wiedemann) that sometimes causes childhood cancer. Yes, I kinda freaked out. After leaving the geneticist's office that day, I smiled at my baby son, walked him in his stroller over to the gift shop where they had toy kitties (his fave), and hugged him to me as I choked back tears that I believe to this day could have flooded the building. But I never let on.

There was no speech therapist available through Early Intervention, so I just learned ASL (American Sign Language) and taught it to the kids and my husband. Because that's what had to be done. He started to communicate. I had great hopes for him, and yet, he still managed to surpass my wildest expectations.

I didn't expect my son to be skipping grade levels in school. I didn't expect him to be speaking so clearly and meaningfully at age 6 like he is, much less using that speech to teach me things about math. The kid is brilliant. And I want to tell all of you, with children who are diagnosed with autism and global developmental delays like my son was, that this IS NOT the end of the road. It is not a prediction. It is not a set-in-stone Way Things Will Be. Trust. Hope. Keep your minds open. And you will be surprised at what your child can do. Do not let anyone place limitations on your child. He or she holds more potential than anyone can see, think, feel, or predict. It will rock your world, if you let it.

A Closed Discussion

Going into the homeschooling adventure, I had sort of steeled myself for the inevitable judgments and misconceptions I was sure I would face for the decision to remove my children from public school. The majority support I received was a huge surprise; with very little exception, the reactions have been very positive. That is, unless you count the people in our former school district.

What I didn't expect was the reaction I got from a friend of 17 years, with whom I have always been able to talk about anything. When I first mentioned, in response to why I haven't had a lot of time for friends lately, that I had been busy teaching my children, I got no response at all. We were chatting online at that time, and I didn't think much of it. The abrupt silence did make me wonder, but I'm not one to create problems where none exist.

Recently, when I did have a few minutes to myself and we talked on the phone, our conversation moved into the realm of what we've been doing lately. I said, "Same as I said before, I've been keeping very busy teaching the kids. It's time-consuming, but they love it and so do I." Again there was no response, so I said, "I'm getting a vibe here. You seem to go silent when I mention homeschooling." I mentioned our online conversation. The response was, "Yeah, I just don't agree with it." The implied was that there would be no discussing homeschooling. And it just didn't sit well with me.

For 17 years, my friend and I have agreed and disagreed on many things. I accept my friend, despite some things (i.e. judging others, selfishness, narrow thinking) I may not necessarily care for. Overall, I consider my friend to be a good person and I realize that people experience and view the world differently. So I have to admit that it bothers me more than a little that homeschooling is a closed topic. We've never had a closed topic. We've been able to have disagreements, wildly different opinions, and even arguments throughout the time we've known each other. I am not opposed to hearing a good counterpoint from my friend, but the anti-homeschooling sentiment seems to have no basis whatsoever. If there were reasons, or even just one single tiny reason, I would listen and do my best to understand. But I have been refused that opportunity.

My friend's refusal to even disagree with me feels highly critical and judgmental; even strangers who disagree with my choices will at least debate me or provide a reason for their disagreement. It seems extremely stifling and unfair that my friend can talk for hours about life and work, or anything that comes to mind, while I am essentially forbidden to discuss teaching my children and the wonderful benefits (like my son being a full grade level ahead in Math, Phonics, and Language Arts, or the confidence that is returning in my daughter after being free from the bullying she endured during her two years of public school). I hesitate to discuss anything which might lead into the topic of school or learning. Or, at this point, anything at all. My friend has absolutely no experience with homeschooling, and does not have nor want children. That makes this silent criticism even worse.

Why am I sharing this? Aside from the fact that it's cathartic to get these thoughts out of my head, this story also illustrates some of the utterly mindless and hurtful reactions some people have to homeschoolers. While I can only guess the basis for my friend's extreme distaste for homeschooling is related to the myth that children need public schools to 'become socialized', I can say with certainty that these misconceptions really need to go. The only way they ever will is if people talk and others listen. I will continue to talk about homeschooling.

And if you've read this far, thank you for listening.

Socializing, Part I: People of All Ages

This is part one of a two-part post about my thoughts on homeschooling, public schools, and socialization. This is probably the the number one topic homeschoolers are confronted with by critics and concerned friends and relatives, and it is also something I believe is quite misunderstood. Thus, I have a lot to say about this, and probably will have much more to say in future posts.

Critics of homeschoolers are often quick to cite proper socialization as a reason children should be shipped off to public school. Interestingly, very few people ever mention the quality of education homeschooled children will receive! For a society so concerned with socializing our children, one might think we would be equally concerned with the quality of those social interactions. But quality doesn't seem to enter the equation, ever. And I find that sad, and a little disturbing.

I don't necessarily believe that those who tout the social skills development benefits of public school really think about what they are saying. How many people truly believe that a group of 15 or 20 age-matched children can provide social skills and values adequately and appropriately for their child? Yes, I added values in there, because anyone who thinks their values at home will automatically override the values of those their children spend most of their waking hours with is likely in for unpleasant surprises ahead. I'm not saying it cannot be accomplished, but it takes an incredible amount of parental effort and involvement that I am not sure is present within the 'let the schools take care of it' mentality.

As a child, I lived in an apartment complex for the first 9 years of my life which was basically a retirement community. Most of my interactions were with much, much older adults. I delighted in playing violin, reading stories, or talking for hours over cocoa with my elderly neighbors, and enjoyed playing with grandchildren of all ages when they would visit. As a result of that experience, socially interacting with people of all ages, I was able to relate to people of all ages with confidence. And, for that matter, with interest. Age barriers became more blurred for me, and I simply saw people as people. It was actually my age-matched peers who proved most difficult, and had they been my only, or even the majority of my social exposure, I don't believe that would have been positive for me in the least. I want my children to interact with children and adults of all ages who are positive influences, and feel comfortable doing so. After all, in the real, post-school world, they will always be interacting with people of all ages.

This isn't to say some public school options don't offer such opportunities, but for the most part there is a very sharp cutoff between adults and children, and even between children in different grades. I never understood that, nor do I think it is particularly healthy. We are all people, and I often did not feel like a person in school; or at least, not a person with rights or respect. Sure, putting first graders with fifth graders on the playground with minimal supervision can be disastrous, but why not involve them all together in structured activities? Our local elementary did some of that, by having fourth grade students read to the Kindergartners; however, I feel that it still fostered the 'I am above you, imparting knowledge to you', one-directional way of education.

While public school is certainly the preferred route for some families whose children thrive there and truly have a positive experience, those children are not representative of all children. By nature, we are all different, and we cannot expect a cookie cutter education to work for every child. Given the very same curriculum, environment, peer group, and teachers, two students can have wildly different experiences and outcomes. I do my very best to understand my children, to consider life from their perspective. I ask a lot of questions about how they think and feel about things and ask for their feedback on family decisions. It is my belief that they should feel valued, always, and I'm not confident that most schools offer this sort of environment.

Until my next post, here are just a few of the ways homeschooled children can really enjoy very active and healthy social lives:

• Scouts



• Library groups



• Community volunteering



• YMCA



• Homeschool groups



• Arts centers



• Dance classes



• Gymnastics



• Martial arts



• 4-H



• Community sports teams (soccer, baseball, softball, etc.)



• Local common interest groups (painting, collecting things, etc.)