There was yet another school shooting this week, leaving two 12 year-old children wounded and one teacher and the 13 year-old shooter dead. My first thought was, how badly was this child bullied that, at 13, he resorted to murder-suicide? Many others choose to think of him at yet another troubled child, or the handy go-to of gun control.
When I posted about this latest incident, with my opinion that bullying is an epidemic that needs addressed NOW, I had no fewer than five people say to me that kids "need to learn to deal with bullying". Why? Why is it acceptable that children have to learn to endure peer-perpetrated abuse like it's some rite of passage in life? As my husband so aptly said, "Why should we have to play the bullies' game?" Why do the abusers of society get to set the rules, and why don't more people stand up against this scourge on humanity? People do not need to do this, or endure this. It continues because too many people accept it; few are those who are willing to be the proverbial squeaky wheel.
I thought deeply on this after we were offered the opportunity to share my daughter's bullying story with our local news. Did I want to throw our family into the spotlight? No. However, I have always felt a responsibility to share with others what I could when going through difficulties. I have always believed in being a beacon of hope whenever possible. My daughter felt the same calling, so we agreed to the interview.
You can say that bullying exists throughout life, and because of that, kids need to learn early on how to deal with it. My question is always WHY. Why is it acceptable for the bullies to commit peer-perpetrated abuse against their classmates, co-workers, etc., but people who stand up against it are wrong for interfering with the natural order of things? Something is seriously wrong with our society.
Today, my very brave little girl stood up for herself and for others who have been the victims of bullying. Her courage to discuss her own pain said that it is not okay for this to continue, and that those who are being victimized have allies. I am incredibly proud of her for doing this. She is my hero.
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Empowering Women, Not So Much
When people ask me what I "do", they are obviously curious as to what my career is. By our society's definition, because I homeschool my children and don't dump them in daycare or public schools, I don't "do" anything. I find that funny, considering that what I do now is often more tiring and requires more mental effort than any job I have held in my life. I have a college degree and have worked in the mental health field as a counselor.
If I had a career as a childcare worker or a school teacher, people would consider me part of the working world, a person who is contributing to society. People were always interested when I explained my previous jobs. When I point out that my job now is raising and educating my children, people say with an undeniable lack of respect, "Oh, so you're a stay-at-home mom."
Of course, there is the other side of the coin; some women think they are better than everyone else because they stay at home, dubbing themselves "domestic engineers". I find this highly abrasive, as does my husband, who is an actual engineer. My issue with the term "domestic engineer" has a lot more to do with the fact that people find it necessary to somehow artificially increase the perceived importance of a mother who chooses to parent her child(ren) instead of having someone else do it. For the record, here's the definition of an engineer from Wikipedia:
Why is it more respectable to leave my children in a school or daycare center to go care for or teach someone else's children than it is to be present in my own children's lives and care for and teach them? There has been a huge movement for a long time to empower women and push for equality, and yet, even women look down upon mothers who choose to raise their children instead of letting someone else do it. There are endless reasons in the media and the world on a daily basis for mothers to be the ones who are their children's caregivers, including but not limited to the daycare worker who posted pictures of children on Instagram with humiliating comments and comparison photos. Fortunately, both women were fired, but it doesn't change the fact that things like this are happening far more than we care to think about.
The pendulum always swings. It took a while for women to be accepted in the workforce, and they're still fighting for equal salaries. At the same time, women who choose to raise their own children instead of having someone else do it are fighting for respect. Women who contribute to society outside of the workforce have pretty much never been given any respect, and we like to think this is some sort of move toward equality and the empowerment of women? For anyone who believes that, I have some beachfront property in the desert to sell you.
Recommended reading
Cruel Daycare Workers Posy Pictures Mocking Children Online:
http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/159914/cruel_daycare_workers_post_online
If I had a career as a childcare worker or a school teacher, people would consider me part of the working world, a person who is contributing to society. People were always interested when I explained my previous jobs. When I point out that my job now is raising and educating my children, people say with an undeniable lack of respect, "Oh, so you're a stay-at-home mom."
Of course, there is the other side of the coin; some women think they are better than everyone else because they stay at home, dubbing themselves "domestic engineers". I find this highly abrasive, as does my husband, who is an actual engineer. My issue with the term "domestic engineer" has a lot more to do with the fact that people find it necessary to somehow artificially increase the perceived importance of a mother who chooses to parent her child(ren) instead of having someone else do it. For the record, here's the definition of an engineer from Wikipedia:
An engineer is a professional practitioner of engineering, concerned with applying scientific knowledge, mathematics, and ingenuity to develop solutions for technical problems. Engineers design materials, structures, and systems while considering the limitations imposed by practicality, regulation, safety, and cost.
Why is it more respectable to leave my children in a school or daycare center to go care for or teach someone else's children than it is to be present in my own children's lives and care for and teach them? There has been a huge movement for a long time to empower women and push for equality, and yet, even women look down upon mothers who choose to raise their children instead of letting someone else do it. There are endless reasons in the media and the world on a daily basis for mothers to be the ones who are their children's caregivers, including but not limited to the daycare worker who posted pictures of children on Instagram with humiliating comments and comparison photos. Fortunately, both women were fired, but it doesn't change the fact that things like this are happening far more than we care to think about.
The pendulum always swings. It took a while for women to be accepted in the workforce, and they're still fighting for equal salaries. At the same time, women who choose to raise their own children instead of having someone else do it are fighting for respect. Women who contribute to society outside of the workforce have pretty much never been given any respect, and we like to think this is some sort of move toward equality and the empowerment of women? For anyone who believes that, I have some beachfront property in the desert to sell you.
Recommended reading
Cruel Daycare Workers Posy Pictures Mocking Children Online:
http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/159914/cruel_daycare_workers_post_online
Friday, June 22, 2012
Karen Klein
I can't watch the following video without crying. I managed to get through the entire 10-minute version of middle school students verbally abusing bus monitor Karen Klein as it circulated around Facebook the other night. I'm just so saddened and disgusted at how children behave in schools, on school buses, playgrounds, and at other school-related functions. It sickens me how abuse like this can go on. I blame parents for not teaching better values. I blame schools for not cracking down harder on child perpetrators of abuse. I blame society's view of "bullying" as a rite of passage instead of calling it what it is - child-perpetrated harassment and abuse.
This case of child-perpetrated elder abuse went viral, partly because it was so heinous and partly because many of us are still from a generation when children were taught to respect their elders. While I am not of the mind that people automatically deserve respect simply because of their age or position (because I know that argument will be raised), I absolutely believe that no one deserves to be humiliated, berated, abused, harassed, mocked, and hurt like this woman was. Ever.
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This is why my children will never be in public school again. And I am relieved to hear an adult admit that ignoring the bullies does NOT make them stop. It doesn't - ask any kid who has been bullied. Once you're selected as a target, you either beat them at their own game or you're going to suffer as long as they decide you're going to suffer. Of course, if you retaliate, then you get in trouble. THIS sort of thing is the result of kids being taught that bullying is a rite of passage. THIS sort of thing happens to children (and apparently bus monitors and drivers as well) on buses and in schools every day.
How long are we going to accept this?
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Kentucky City Arrests Children In Attempt to Prevent School Financial Losses
In Convington, Kentucky, new legislation makes skipping school a misdemeanor. Yes, that's right; kids who skip school can now be arrested for a crime.
On the surface, this might seem reasonable; actions have consequences and failure to meet responsibilities, by choice, certainly falls into that category. But, where are the statistics on why children are not meeting school attendance requirements?
Before I address that topic, I would like to briefly discuss the path of a child who is charged with a misdemeanor crime for skipping school. Chances are likely that a judge and perhaps a juvenile detention facility may be involved in such a case. And, if the child is ditching school to go steal, obtain drugs, or engage in other illegal activity, this is clearly a criminal issue. Such a child might benefit from rehabilitative youth programs. However, what about the child who is so overcome with anxiety about dealing with school-related anxiety that they are worrying themselves sick each morning? Do they deserve to be charged with a crime, to stand before a judge, or to land in a juvenile detention facility? Can you "scare straight" a child who is already frightened to face their classmates, or it it just psychological torture at that point? Personally, I believe the latter. And few schools consider the bullying epidemic as part of the truancy problem; they prefer instead to treat them as separate issues.
In Belen, New Mexico, where a similar law goes into effect this year, truancy expert (seriously?) Rochard Romero said, "The safest place for kids is at school..." Assertions like this really fry my grits, because I can unequivocally tell you that my child was not safest at school. In fact, school and the bus she rode to get there were two of the most dangerous places she went. I watched a bright, confident, smiling little girl, full of self-esteem and thinking she could conquer the world, morph into a quieter, less confident, almost fearful little girl who started getting tummy aches at the end of the weekend before returning to school. She was clawed, spat on, pushed, hit with her own lunch box, and pelted in the face with a rock snowball on the playground - and that's not all. In the 6 months she has been away from that environment, her confidence is growing, she is smiling all the time like she used to, and I can't get her to stop talking (and dude, sometimes I really wish I could).
Not all children who skip school do so because they're defiant youngsters with poor discipline. There are many reasons for truancy, and many of them are related to how schools handle problems that arise for students. Attendance problems should first be addressed by school counseling staff who are adequately trained in the effects of peer abuse and bullying. Sadly, far too many people consider bullying a harmless rite of passage.
Children receive so many mixed messages about abuse. Schools tell children to report abuse they are subjected to at home or by caregivers, sending the very clear message that it is not okay. And I agree, it is not okay. Children who are abused absolutely should report it and feel safe doing so. But at the very same time children are receiving the message that it is not okay for adults to harm them, they are being abused by their peers - sometimes to the point of suicide and often to the point of serious psychological detriment - on a regular basis. Schools are doing very little, beyond giving the bullying epidemic a lot of lip service and putting on a very thin facade of anti-bullying propaganda designed to make parents believe they're making an effort. It is my firm belief that school attendance could be dramatically improved if there was more walk and less talk where bullying is concerned.
There are, of course, other reasons a child may be skipping school. Autism spectrum disorders and sensory processing disorders, for example, are two reasons a child may be having an extremely difficult time in school, though they may not be able to explain or define what their trouble is. They may not even think to share some of the sensory issues they struggle with, assuming that everyone has the same issues and they just deal with them poorly. Many children with sensory processing difficulties have been told things like, "Everyone else can deal with it, why can't you?" Though there is a very legitimate issue, they internalize this and come to believe that they are the source of their own problems and are simply not good enough to compensate like they believe everyone else does. With the very high rate of these diagnoses among children this past decade, schools should have specialists on hand who are familiar with sensory disorders and autism. Would that not be better than labeling children as criminals and slapping them with a record?
The school years can be tumultuous times even for students who are not dealing with bullying or personal difficulties. There could be academic difficulties, stress at home, or any number of other things or combinations of things that children are dealing with. In our society, there seems to be this belief that children are not really people; they do not deserve basic human rights or the same ability to protect themselves. They are often not seen as individuals and their troubles are easily dismissed. This is laziness on the part of parents, educators, schools, and caregivers. Children are not born into this world with their motivation and personalities fully intact, and they need us to guide them, encourage them, and help them become the people they are. Children are frequently defined by those around them, rather than encouraged in positive ways.
I do not believe that we raise healthy, responsible children by allowing them to be abused by their peers, silencing their voices, terrifying them into obedience, or furnishing them with a criminal record for not falling in line with their compulsory attendance at school. Children need to be taught lessons in life about responsibility. They need hope, guidance, love, compassion, respect, and some measure of freedom to make their own decisions (within reason, of course).
You might say to yourself, if kids are having a legitimate problem which is resulting in repeated absence, the schools would deal with these situations differently. And I'm here to tell you there is a better chance of a unicorn happily dancing through your yard under a rainbow with a leprechaun holding a pot of gold with your name on it. Children are dollar signs to schools, and schools do not like to be parted with their money.
On the surface, this might seem reasonable; actions have consequences and failure to meet responsibilities, by choice, certainly falls into that category. But, where are the statistics on why children are not meeting school attendance requirements?
Before I address that topic, I would like to briefly discuss the path of a child who is charged with a misdemeanor crime for skipping school. Chances are likely that a judge and perhaps a juvenile detention facility may be involved in such a case. And, if the child is ditching school to go steal, obtain drugs, or engage in other illegal activity, this is clearly a criminal issue. Such a child might benefit from rehabilitative youth programs. However, what about the child who is so overcome with anxiety about dealing with school-related anxiety that they are worrying themselves sick each morning? Do they deserve to be charged with a crime, to stand before a judge, or to land in a juvenile detention facility? Can you "scare straight" a child who is already frightened to face their classmates, or it it just psychological torture at that point? Personally, I believe the latter. And few schools consider the bullying epidemic as part of the truancy problem; they prefer instead to treat them as separate issues.
In Belen, New Mexico, where a similar law goes into effect this year, truancy expert (seriously?) Rochard Romero said, "The safest place for kids is at school..." Assertions like this really fry my grits, because I can unequivocally tell you that my child was not safest at school. In fact, school and the bus she rode to get there were two of the most dangerous places she went. I watched a bright, confident, smiling little girl, full of self-esteem and thinking she could conquer the world, morph into a quieter, less confident, almost fearful little girl who started getting tummy aches at the end of the weekend before returning to school. She was clawed, spat on, pushed, hit with her own lunch box, and pelted in the face with a rock snowball on the playground - and that's not all. In the 6 months she has been away from that environment, her confidence is growing, she is smiling all the time like she used to, and I can't get her to stop talking (and dude, sometimes I really wish I could).
Not all children who skip school do so because they're defiant youngsters with poor discipline. There are many reasons for truancy, and many of them are related to how schools handle problems that arise for students. Attendance problems should first be addressed by school counseling staff who are adequately trained in the effects of peer abuse and bullying. Sadly, far too many people consider bullying a harmless rite of passage.
Children receive so many mixed messages about abuse. Schools tell children to report abuse they are subjected to at home or by caregivers, sending the very clear message that it is not okay. And I agree, it is not okay. Children who are abused absolutely should report it and feel safe doing so. But at the very same time children are receiving the message that it is not okay for adults to harm them, they are being abused by their peers - sometimes to the point of suicide and often to the point of serious psychological detriment - on a regular basis. Schools are doing very little, beyond giving the bullying epidemic a lot of lip service and putting on a very thin facade of anti-bullying propaganda designed to make parents believe they're making an effort. It is my firm belief that school attendance could be dramatically improved if there was more walk and less talk where bullying is concerned.
There are, of course, other reasons a child may be skipping school. Autism spectrum disorders and sensory processing disorders, for example, are two reasons a child may be having an extremely difficult time in school, though they may not be able to explain or define what their trouble is. They may not even think to share some of the sensory issues they struggle with, assuming that everyone has the same issues and they just deal with them poorly. Many children with sensory processing difficulties have been told things like, "Everyone else can deal with it, why can't you?" Though there is a very legitimate issue, they internalize this and come to believe that they are the source of their own problems and are simply not good enough to compensate like they believe everyone else does. With the very high rate of these diagnoses among children this past decade, schools should have specialists on hand who are familiar with sensory disorders and autism. Would that not be better than labeling children as criminals and slapping them with a record?
The school years can be tumultuous times even for students who are not dealing with bullying or personal difficulties. There could be academic difficulties, stress at home, or any number of other things or combinations of things that children are dealing with. In our society, there seems to be this belief that children are not really people; they do not deserve basic human rights or the same ability to protect themselves. They are often not seen as individuals and their troubles are easily dismissed. This is laziness on the part of parents, educators, schools, and caregivers. Children are not born into this world with their motivation and personalities fully intact, and they need us to guide them, encourage them, and help them become the people they are. Children are frequently defined by those around them, rather than encouraged in positive ways.
I do not believe that we raise healthy, responsible children by allowing them to be abused by their peers, silencing their voices, terrifying them into obedience, or furnishing them with a criminal record for not falling in line with their compulsory attendance at school. Children need to be taught lessons in life about responsibility. They need hope, guidance, love, compassion, respect, and some measure of freedom to make their own decisions (within reason, of course).
You might say to yourself, if kids are having a legitimate problem which is resulting in repeated absence, the schools would deal with these situations differently. And I'm here to tell you there is a better chance of a unicorn happily dancing through your yard under a rainbow with a leprechaun holding a pot of gold with your name on it. Children are dollar signs to schools, and schools do not like to be parted with their money.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Celebrities and Bullying
The new fashionable trend in Hollywood these days is the statement, "I was bullied in school, too." At first, this appeared to be a good thing. When celebrities talk, people listen. But now? Now people are saying to themselves, "Meh, everyone gets bullied. So what?" This celebrity bullying bandwagon has served to take the anti-bullying movement, which had gone from meh, everyone gets bullied to a growing awareness of a serious problem, right back to meh.
When I was dealing with some serious bullying issues as a kid, my mother told me a billion times how this celebrity was ridiculed about big lips, and that ones was teased for her height. "But look at them now! They got the last laugh," she would say. Thing was, I had exactly zero interest in celebrities, being a celebrity, or anything celebrities did. I didn't care what they were wearing, what they looked like, how much money they had, or how many people wanted to be like them. I never understood people who fawned over celebrities, and I still don't. So my mother's well-intended sharing this information with me basically accomplished nothing more than convincing me that she had no idea what I was going through and no clue who I was as a person. At all.
While I am probably a statistically significant exception to the rule on my opinion of celebrities, or lack thereof, I realize these idols do have the power to influence parents and young people. I'm glad they are trying to do something, even if it is just to look fashionable. Thing is, if getting teased about my name was my biggest issue, I wouldn't call it bullying. I want to hear from the celebrity who was bullied to the point their life was significantly altered, or they actually attempted suicide over it. Those celebrities exist, but they are few. And the impact of severe bullying tends to be lifelong; the shame of repeated abuse over years and years sticks with a person to the point they may be unwilling to share, even to help someone else. That is the sad, scary reality for many children and teens these days.
I have been thankful beyond words more times than I can count that I didn't have to grow up in the age of the internet, cell phones, texting, cell phone cameras, and so forth. It is the introduction of these technologies that makes it more critical than ever for bullying prevention to be implemented by everyone caring for children at every age and in every part of a child's life. Parents, teachers, school administrators, and individuals working in the school transportation departments all need to come together to make and enforce anti-bullying policies. Bullying is extremely serious, and it goes so far beyond name-calling or taking someone's lunch money. Children can be cruel, and teachers can be bullies, accomplices, or perpetrators as well. Childhood should be a time of innocence and healthy development. Bullying, abuse by one's peers or teachers, can destroy a child's chance at having that innocence or healthy development, and it can ruin their chances of academic success as well.
This topic is easy to turn away from if you are not directly affected. But don't. We shouldn't allow ourselves to become numb to the pain and suffering children are enduring on a daily basis when bullies turn their school days into a terrifying, demoralizing, abusive nightmare. Forget celebrities, because they make it easy to forget the lives ruined by bullying. The suicides. The high school drop outs. The ones who might have found the cure for cancer, who instead gave up and wanted nothing more to do with education because they associated learning with pain and misery and could never trust people again. The ones living with nightmares, even as adults, because of their tormented childhood years. Bullying is no less devastating than any other form of child abuse, and it absolutely must stop now. The only way that happens is if we all come together and stand against bullying. There is no excuse for abuse.
When I was dealing with some serious bullying issues as a kid, my mother told me a billion times how this celebrity was ridiculed about big lips, and that ones was teased for her height. "But look at them now! They got the last laugh," she would say. Thing was, I had exactly zero interest in celebrities, being a celebrity, or anything celebrities did. I didn't care what they were wearing, what they looked like, how much money they had, or how many people wanted to be like them. I never understood people who fawned over celebrities, and I still don't. So my mother's well-intended sharing this information with me basically accomplished nothing more than convincing me that she had no idea what I was going through and no clue who I was as a person. At all.
While I am probably a statistically significant exception to the rule on my opinion of celebrities, or lack thereof, I realize these idols do have the power to influence parents and young people. I'm glad they are trying to do something, even if it is just to look fashionable. Thing is, if getting teased about my name was my biggest issue, I wouldn't call it bullying. I want to hear from the celebrity who was bullied to the point their life was significantly altered, or they actually attempted suicide over it. Those celebrities exist, but they are few. And the impact of severe bullying tends to be lifelong; the shame of repeated abuse over years and years sticks with a person to the point they may be unwilling to share, even to help someone else. That is the sad, scary reality for many children and teens these days.
I have been thankful beyond words more times than I can count that I didn't have to grow up in the age of the internet, cell phones, texting, cell phone cameras, and so forth. It is the introduction of these technologies that makes it more critical than ever for bullying prevention to be implemented by everyone caring for children at every age and in every part of a child's life. Parents, teachers, school administrators, and individuals working in the school transportation departments all need to come together to make and enforce anti-bullying policies. Bullying is extremely serious, and it goes so far beyond name-calling or taking someone's lunch money. Children can be cruel, and teachers can be bullies, accomplices, or perpetrators as well. Childhood should be a time of innocence and healthy development. Bullying, abuse by one's peers or teachers, can destroy a child's chance at having that innocence or healthy development, and it can ruin their chances of academic success as well.
This topic is easy to turn away from if you are not directly affected. But don't. We shouldn't allow ourselves to become numb to the pain and suffering children are enduring on a daily basis when bullies turn their school days into a terrifying, demoralizing, abusive nightmare. Forget celebrities, because they make it easy to forget the lives ruined by bullying. The suicides. The high school drop outs. The ones who might have found the cure for cancer, who instead gave up and wanted nothing more to do with education because they associated learning with pain and misery and could never trust people again. The ones living with nightmares, even as adults, because of their tormented childhood years. Bullying is no less devastating than any other form of child abuse, and it absolutely must stop now. The only way that happens is if we all come together and stand against bullying. There is no excuse for abuse.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Why K12?
The K12 page featured the following question this morning:
Finish this sentence: The reason our family chose online school for our educational needs is ...
I love answering this question, because we all feel really happy with our experience thus far. Homeschooling my children was something I gave a bit of consideration to from the moment I found out I was expecting, though I wasn't entirely certain it was for us. For starters, with the exception of being an assistant to my Psychology professor during First Year Seminars at Penn State, I basically had no teaching experience at all - and what little I did have wasn't very relatable to teaching young children. I realized that most homeschooling families probably didn't have parents with teaching degrees, either, but I didn't even have the benefit of personally knowing someone who homeschooled. The extent of my experience with this type of learning was based purely in stereotypical viewpoints and jokes made on television shows.
As my daughter neared the end of preschool years, I felt immense trepidation about putting her into the public school system. I'm aware of the growing epidemic of bullying, my children's quirks, and how those issues might not mesh so well. Since education is a very high priority for me, and my children both love to learn, my second greatest fear was that negative school experiences could ruin that for them. But we tried it, both because Reezle had done so well in her mainstream preschool and because she expressed great enthusiasm about going to Kindergarten and riding the big yellow school bus. And sadly, and one might also say predictably, problems emerged before the year was half through. Academically, she excelled. Socially, she did well, but still managed to be a frequent victim of bullying. It got to the point I was afraid every time the phone rang during school hours because I dreaded the principal's voice on the other end telling me which kid hurt my daughter this time and how.
It became evident that homeschooling was due some additional consideration, particularly since also struggled deeply with the massive disconnect fostered by the traditional public school system. I wanted to be more directly involved in my children's education experience, especially since I always had been involved in their learning and know how to work within their different (er, wildly different?) learning styles. Both of my children are advanced learners, and I wanted them to have a rich educational experience. I didn't feel the public schools could provide it adequately, nor did I agree with the fact that gifted programs didn't even begin until grade 3. Furthermore, with my son's various challenges (speech, sensory, autism), I knew there could never be the type of one-on-one interaction that would allow him to thrive the way I knew he was capable of.
I began researching various curricula available to determine if there would be a good fit for our family. K12 kept popping up in my searches, so I decided to look into what they offered. From the start, I was really impressed. The curriculum was exceptional compared to all the others I had looked into. There were options to buy the curriculum or enroll in an online, teacher-guided virtual academy. Right then, I knew this was exactly what we needed; I could provide my children with an excellent curriculum while also have the safety net, so to speak, of lesson plans, experienced teacher contacts, and technical support. The unbelievably awesome bonus? We received over 100 pounds of school books, materials, and supplies...absolutely 100% free. I must have saved a fortune, which freed up money to enrich our curriculum even further.
K12 gives my children the opportunity to work at their own pace and seek out enrichment and curriculum enhancement opportunities or explore in greater depth their own areas of interest. They love learning in the comfort of their own home and we all love the freedom we have to hold "class" anywhere we choose. I no longer have to worry about what kind of peer-perpetrated abuse my child has been subjected to every time the phone rings. If we miss bedtime by an hour and sleep in because of it, we simply work an hour longer. We don't concern ourselves with sick days, because they won't miss anything. And it seems the list of reasons we love this program just keeps growing over time.
So, on this last day of November 2011, I am thankful for having the opportunity to homeschool my children, and for the outstanding curriculum offered through K12. (I also highly recommend it to anyone looking at alternatives to traditional schools!)
Finish this sentence: The reason our family chose online school for our educational needs is ...
I love answering this question, because we all feel really happy with our experience thus far. Homeschooling my children was something I gave a bit of consideration to from the moment I found out I was expecting, though I wasn't entirely certain it was for us. For starters, with the exception of being an assistant to my Psychology professor during First Year Seminars at Penn State, I basically had no teaching experience at all - and what little I did have wasn't very relatable to teaching young children. I realized that most homeschooling families probably didn't have parents with teaching degrees, either, but I didn't even have the benefit of personally knowing someone who homeschooled. The extent of my experience with this type of learning was based purely in stereotypical viewpoints and jokes made on television shows.
As my daughter neared the end of preschool years, I felt immense trepidation about putting her into the public school system. I'm aware of the growing epidemic of bullying, my children's quirks, and how those issues might not mesh so well. Since education is a very high priority for me, and my children both love to learn, my second greatest fear was that negative school experiences could ruin that for them. But we tried it, both because Reezle had done so well in her mainstream preschool and because she expressed great enthusiasm about going to Kindergarten and riding the big yellow school bus. And sadly, and one might also say predictably, problems emerged before the year was half through. Academically, she excelled. Socially, she did well, but still managed to be a frequent victim of bullying. It got to the point I was afraid every time the phone rang during school hours because I dreaded the principal's voice on the other end telling me which kid hurt my daughter this time and how.
It became evident that homeschooling was due some additional consideration, particularly since also struggled deeply with the massive disconnect fostered by the traditional public school system. I wanted to be more directly involved in my children's education experience, especially since I always had been involved in their learning and know how to work within their different (er, wildly different?) learning styles. Both of my children are advanced learners, and I wanted them to have a rich educational experience. I didn't feel the public schools could provide it adequately, nor did I agree with the fact that gifted programs didn't even begin until grade 3. Furthermore, with my son's various challenges (speech, sensory, autism), I knew there could never be the type of one-on-one interaction that would allow him to thrive the way I knew he was capable of.
I began researching various curricula available to determine if there would be a good fit for our family. K12 kept popping up in my searches, so I decided to look into what they offered. From the start, I was really impressed. The curriculum was exceptional compared to all the others I had looked into. There were options to buy the curriculum or enroll in an online, teacher-guided virtual academy. Right then, I knew this was exactly what we needed; I could provide my children with an excellent curriculum while also have the safety net, so to speak, of lesson plans, experienced teacher contacts, and technical support. The unbelievably awesome bonus? We received over 100 pounds of school books, materials, and supplies...absolutely 100% free. I must have saved a fortune, which freed up money to enrich our curriculum even further.
K12 gives my children the opportunity to work at their own pace and seek out enrichment and curriculum enhancement opportunities or explore in greater depth their own areas of interest. They love learning in the comfort of their own home and we all love the freedom we have to hold "class" anywhere we choose. I no longer have to worry about what kind of peer-perpetrated abuse my child has been subjected to every time the phone rings. If we miss bedtime by an hour and sleep in because of it, we simply work an hour longer. We don't concern ourselves with sick days, because they won't miss anything. And it seems the list of reasons we love this program just keeps growing over time.
So, on this last day of November 2011, I am thankful for having the opportunity to homeschool my children, and for the outstanding curriculum offered through K12. (I also highly recommend it to anyone looking at alternatives to traditional schools!)
Monday, November 21, 2011
Bullying and Bullicide: A National Epidemic
According to the Youth Suicide Prevention Program, 1 in 10 high school students report at least one suicide attempt, and about 1 in 4 has seriously considered it. Let that resonate for a moment. Think about your typical high school classroom of approximately 20 students. Two of them have actually made an attempt to end their lives. The statistics are even more dismal for LGBT youth, 30% of whom report having attempted suicide at least once in the past year.
Ashlynn Conner, a smart, beautiful 10 year-old honor student who aspired to be a veterinarian when she grew up, made headlines last week. It wasn't for her academic success or achievement, or the type of news clipping she might frame and look back on through the years; after enduring bullying for two years and being told by her mother that she could not be homeschooled, Ashlynn decided to end her own life. While every story of a bullied child turning to suicide as an option is devastating, this one has left me chilled to the core. She was a little girl. Ashlynn was just two years older than my own daughter. I try to wrap my head around the idea of a child so young carrying such a heavy burden on her shoulders that she went as far as to end her life. No child deserves that. Her story has made me more determined than ever to do what I can to stand against bullying and encourage others to do the same.
Another young girl, 14 year-old Cheyanne of Ohio, endured verbal abuse and bullying by her teacher and teacher aid. What makes this even more troubling is that Cheyanne is developmentally disabled and these adults were the ones responsible for her education and safety during the school day.
While my own children are not in a bricks and mortar school, and some might think it would be easy for me to turn my back on the problem happening in public schools, I realize it is up to all of us to come together and turn this epidemic around. The effects of bullying can be lifelong, life-altering, or even life-ending. As the adults in this society, we all have the responsibility of ensuring the safety of our children. Just because bullying is a form of abuse perpetrated by other children, it is no more acceptable to ignore it than it would be to ignore obvious abuse of a child by an adult. Abuse is abuse, and it scars just the same. Too many people choose to turn away from this epidemic until it affects them personally, and saying nothing is essentially a quiet acceptance and granting of permission to the perpetrators of bullying; bullies realize that there are no guaranteed consequences for their actions, because most of it goes unpunished.
Not every parent can take their child out of public schools, and really, they should not need to. My daughter, a kind, compassionate child who cannot comprehend why all people cannot just be friends, was a victim of bullying during Kindergarten and first grade at our local elementary school. She was verbally harassed, spat on, and pelted in the face with snowballs to the point of injury. Responses appeared to be more to placate than to solve the actual problem. The district loosely followed its own guidelines on handling the bullying, and I suspect that the less than optimal results we got were only as good as they were because of my determined persistence.
I do not entirely blame the schools, however. Bullying has long been viewed as a fact of life for school-age children, and the extremely broad spectrum of types and degrees of bullying behavior allows even more disconnect because people tend to assume most bullying is of the garden variety and much less severe and impactful than it actually is.
So what are we to do? First and foremost, prevention starts at home; after all, parents have the greatest impact on their children. Sadly, even concerned parents too often consider bullying a fact of school life or a "harmless" rite of passage. Statistics on bullicide, suicide resulting from bullying, say otherwise. And there are the parents who believe that their child should become the bully, which will protect him or her by default. There is also the growing threat of technology as a bullying tool, which is like giving bullies super powers. It is more important than ever to take every preventive measure we can. Lives depend on it, as Ashlynn and so many others illustrate.
And yet, in some places right here in the United States, we're going backwards. Michigan's senate recently passed legislation called Matt's Safe School Law, which actually allows bullying for religious or moral reasons. This means that a bully can excuse his or her abuse of another peer as long as it can be justified within the parameters of supposed morality, as defined by the new legislation. In response to this, Michigan Democratic Senate Leader Sen. Gretchen Whitmer said, "This is worse than doing nothing."
If we are not part of the solution, we are part of the problem. There is no middle ground. If we pretend this doesn't exist, if we ignore it because it has not touched our lives personally or we hope our children will outgrow this phase, we are just as guilty as the bullies perpetrating the abuse. We are the example, and we are the solution. Schools are responsible for the children in their halls and classrooms and on their playgrounds for a substantial portion of the day. No child should be terrified to go to school, or end up robbed of a decent education because their school days make them sick with anxiety and fear. Likewise, parents cannot expect the schools to shoulder all of the responsibility for properly "socializing" their children. This is a joint effort, and I cannot stress enough the importance of creating a safe environment for our children to grow and learn. The effects of bullying can last a lifetime.
Talk. Whether you are dealing with a bullying situation already underway, or you are trying to prevent one, talking to your child is key.
Don't judge. Even if you think you aren't judging, you might be. Don't ever tell your child that bullying is "no big deal", or that they should be quick enough to fight back. By doing this, you diminish their experience and fail to fully understand what they are going through. This could burn the bridge of communication between you.
Listen. Once bullying starts, listening is more important than talking. If you are busy telling your child that bullying is a part of life or that "it's not a big deal", you are completely invalidating your child's experience and missing critical details that could potentially save your child's life. Hear them out. Ask them what they would like to change, and how they might like you to help them. Create a dialogue by asking more questions than you try to answer. And make sure you are listening attentively. Listening with your back to your child while you do the dishes is not listening.
Know your school district's bullying policies. Be familiar with them so you know your rights in the event you need to know your rights. Most student policies are listed on district websites and are easily accessible to the parents and students in the district.
Consider joining the PTA/PTO and raising the issue of bullying prevention, or go further and try to get a group of parents together to start a school anti-bullying program.
Encourage your school district to adopt a program where children learn social skills. With autism spectrum disorders being diagnosed at an increasing rate, there are many children who need additional help with social skills even if their diagnosis does not qualify them for special education or other school-based interventions. In fact, all children can benefit from being taught social skills. We can no more expect that putting children together in a group will prepare them to do well socially than we can expect that putting them in a kitchen with unprepared foods will teach them how to cook like a professional chef. Guidance must be provided. If children cannot cope socially, neither can they learn or succeed academically.
Know that bullying starts shockingly young. Don't dismiss a child who says she is being bullied in preschool. It does happen, and it can be a traumatic way to begin one's school years. Having confidence and support during those early years is critical to how your child will view the rest of their school years and education in general.
To learn more about bullying, especially in the age of technology, I encourage you to watch Bullying: Words Can Kill, a CBS News 48 Hours Special
Ashlynn Conner, a smart, beautiful 10 year-old honor student who aspired to be a veterinarian when she grew up, made headlines last week. It wasn't for her academic success or achievement, or the type of news clipping she might frame and look back on through the years; after enduring bullying for two years and being told by her mother that she could not be homeschooled, Ashlynn decided to end her own life. While every story of a bullied child turning to suicide as an option is devastating, this one has left me chilled to the core. She was a little girl. Ashlynn was just two years older than my own daughter. I try to wrap my head around the idea of a child so young carrying such a heavy burden on her shoulders that she went as far as to end her life. No child deserves that. Her story has made me more determined than ever to do what I can to stand against bullying and encourage others to do the same.
Another young girl, 14 year-old Cheyanne of Ohio, endured verbal abuse and bullying by her teacher and teacher aid. What makes this even more troubling is that Cheyanne is developmentally disabled and these adults were the ones responsible for her education and safety during the school day.
While my own children are not in a bricks and mortar school, and some might think it would be easy for me to turn my back on the problem happening in public schools, I realize it is up to all of us to come together and turn this epidemic around. The effects of bullying can be lifelong, life-altering, or even life-ending. As the adults in this society, we all have the responsibility of ensuring the safety of our children. Just because bullying is a form of abuse perpetrated by other children, it is no more acceptable to ignore it than it would be to ignore obvious abuse of a child by an adult. Abuse is abuse, and it scars just the same. Too many people choose to turn away from this epidemic until it affects them personally, and saying nothing is essentially a quiet acceptance and granting of permission to the perpetrators of bullying; bullies realize that there are no guaranteed consequences for their actions, because most of it goes unpunished.
Not every parent can take their child out of public schools, and really, they should not need to. My daughter, a kind, compassionate child who cannot comprehend why all people cannot just be friends, was a victim of bullying during Kindergarten and first grade at our local elementary school. She was verbally harassed, spat on, and pelted in the face with snowballs to the point of injury. Responses appeared to be more to placate than to solve the actual problem. The district loosely followed its own guidelines on handling the bullying, and I suspect that the less than optimal results we got were only as good as they were because of my determined persistence.
I do not entirely blame the schools, however. Bullying has long been viewed as a fact of life for school-age children, and the extremely broad spectrum of types and degrees of bullying behavior allows even more disconnect because people tend to assume most bullying is of the garden variety and much less severe and impactful than it actually is.
So what are we to do? First and foremost, prevention starts at home; after all, parents have the greatest impact on their children. Sadly, even concerned parents too often consider bullying a fact of school life or a "harmless" rite of passage. Statistics on bullicide, suicide resulting from bullying, say otherwise. And there are the parents who believe that their child should become the bully, which will protect him or her by default. There is also the growing threat of technology as a bullying tool, which is like giving bullies super powers. It is more important than ever to take every preventive measure we can. Lives depend on it, as Ashlynn and so many others illustrate.
And yet, in some places right here in the United States, we're going backwards. Michigan's senate recently passed legislation called Matt's Safe School Law, which actually allows bullying for religious or moral reasons. This means that a bully can excuse his or her abuse of another peer as long as it can be justified within the parameters of supposed morality, as defined by the new legislation. In response to this, Michigan Democratic Senate Leader Sen. Gretchen Whitmer said, "This is worse than doing nothing."
If we are not part of the solution, we are part of the problem. There is no middle ground. If we pretend this doesn't exist, if we ignore it because it has not touched our lives personally or we hope our children will outgrow this phase, we are just as guilty as the bullies perpetrating the abuse. We are the example, and we are the solution. Schools are responsible for the children in their halls and classrooms and on their playgrounds for a substantial portion of the day. No child should be terrified to go to school, or end up robbed of a decent education because their school days make them sick with anxiety and fear. Likewise, parents cannot expect the schools to shoulder all of the responsibility for properly "socializing" their children. This is a joint effort, and I cannot stress enough the importance of creating a safe environment for our children to grow and learn. The effects of bullying can last a lifetime.
Talk. Whether you are dealing with a bullying situation already underway, or you are trying to prevent one, talking to your child is key.
Don't judge. Even if you think you aren't judging, you might be. Don't ever tell your child that bullying is "no big deal", or that they should be quick enough to fight back. By doing this, you diminish their experience and fail to fully understand what they are going through. This could burn the bridge of communication between you.
Listen. Once bullying starts, listening is more important than talking. If you are busy telling your child that bullying is a part of life or that "it's not a big deal", you are completely invalidating your child's experience and missing critical details that could potentially save your child's life. Hear them out. Ask them what they would like to change, and how they might like you to help them. Create a dialogue by asking more questions than you try to answer. And make sure you are listening attentively. Listening with your back to your child while you do the dishes is not listening.
Know your school district's bullying policies. Be familiar with them so you know your rights in the event you need to know your rights. Most student policies are listed on district websites and are easily accessible to the parents and students in the district.
Consider joining the PTA/PTO and raising the issue of bullying prevention, or go further and try to get a group of parents together to start a school anti-bullying program.
Encourage your school district to adopt a program where children learn social skills. With autism spectrum disorders being diagnosed at an increasing rate, there are many children who need additional help with social skills even if their diagnosis does not qualify them for special education or other school-based interventions. In fact, all children can benefit from being taught social skills. We can no more expect that putting children together in a group will prepare them to do well socially than we can expect that putting them in a kitchen with unprepared foods will teach them how to cook like a professional chef. Guidance must be provided. If children cannot cope socially, neither can they learn or succeed academically.
Know that bullying starts shockingly young. Don't dismiss a child who says she is being bullied in preschool. It does happen, and it can be a traumatic way to begin one's school years. Having confidence and support during those early years is critical to how your child will view the rest of their school years and education in general.
To learn more about bullying, especially in the age of technology, I encourage you to watch Bullying: Words Can Kill, a CBS News 48 Hours Special
Friday, November 11, 2011
Five Months Later
Out of nowhere, five months after my daughter last walked the halls of a bricks and mortar school building, she informs me that one of the two playground monitors at her former school prohibited her from sitting down. My first reaction was what!? "Yeah, sometimes my legs would get tired and my brain would get tired and I just wanted to sit down and think. She would come over and tell me to get up. Sometimes I tried to sit where she couldn't see me, but she was usually right there where the seats were. She never let me sit. Only if we had a headache or something."
While I understand the value of children getting out and getting moving, as mine often do with great enthusiasm, my daughter has a couple of extremely valid reasons for needing a break. One is that she is on the autism spectrum. Though mildly affected, the social and sensory aspects of the diagnosis can become overwhelming in crowds or when the pace is extremely fast. For a child on the autism spectrum, a few short minutes on the playground can be more exhausting than a couple of hours of bike riding or other more solitary, focused play. The second reason is that, like her brother, she also has some issues with mild hypotonia, or low muscle tone. This is a disorder that is not fixed with exercise, and may cause children to tire more easily depending on how and to what extent they are affected.
Some children with her diagnoses will act out with undesirable behaviors, unable to express or even understand their needs in those moments. My daughter understood her social and sensory limitations, opted to take a break to calm down and refocus so she could "calm [her] brain" before going back with her friends, and was prevented from doing this. R did tell me on numerous occasions that she didn't play with certain friends or do the things she wanted on the playground because "everyone just moves too fast". Effectively, the playground monitor was removing the only tool my daughter had to deal with the situation, and she was miserable.
Reezle is slow, methodical, and deliberate in what she does. She contemplates, thinks things through, and is slow to anger or frustration. She has a very good sense of herself and others, as well as how to best soothe herself in overwhelming situations. We have tried our best to help our children find the tools they need to navigate the world successfully. What she wanted was not unreasonable for any child to ask, but especially a first grader dealing with as much "input" as a busy playground (and all of its weather variants) has to offer.
Perhaps I wouldn't have felt my blood boil instantly if there was not already a history with that woman. She stood by as my daughter got pelted in the face with rock snowballs by another student when she was in Kindergarten; Reezle came home with a welt and a scratch about an inch from her eye and no one had done a thing about it. The same child spat on my daughter at lunch, apparently because my daughter just wanted to be friends and the girl did not. Reezle cannot understand why all people can't just be friends and care about one another, and this crushed her. The playground monitors are also the lunch monitors, and again nothing was done. There were other more minor things as well, so I was already not a fan of the woman.
I can say, heartfelt and happily, that removing my children from the bricks-and-mortar public school system was the absolute best parenting decision of my life thus far. There never seems to be a shortage of things to remind me and confirm that. In our homeschool, my children can take a 5-minute recess, or an hour. They can sit when they want, swing, ride a bicycle, or as the seasons change they can make snow angels and build snowmen. Extra layers or fewer, hot cocoa or a cool drink, and a hug from mama when they're done. But I can guarantee no one is going to tell them they can't sit down if they need to.
Five months and I'm still finding reasons to be angry at the way my child was treated. Five months and things are still surfacing that I didn't know. No, there is no way I could have ever tossed my son into that snake pit. And for that matter, I never should have allowed my daughter to be subjected to it, either. There are better ways to socialize, with actual caring supervision, and socialization is about the weakest argument for public schools anyhow.
On a brighter, much more fun note, the number nerd in me is pretty excited about today's date: 11/11/11. Enjoy!
While I understand the value of children getting out and getting moving, as mine often do with great enthusiasm, my daughter has a couple of extremely valid reasons for needing a break. One is that she is on the autism spectrum. Though mildly affected, the social and sensory aspects of the diagnosis can become overwhelming in crowds or when the pace is extremely fast. For a child on the autism spectrum, a few short minutes on the playground can be more exhausting than a couple of hours of bike riding or other more solitary, focused play. The second reason is that, like her brother, she also has some issues with mild hypotonia, or low muscle tone. This is a disorder that is not fixed with exercise, and may cause children to tire more easily depending on how and to what extent they are affected.
Some children with her diagnoses will act out with undesirable behaviors, unable to express or even understand their needs in those moments. My daughter understood her social and sensory limitations, opted to take a break to calm down and refocus so she could "calm [her] brain" before going back with her friends, and was prevented from doing this. R did tell me on numerous occasions that she didn't play with certain friends or do the things she wanted on the playground because "everyone just moves too fast". Effectively, the playground monitor was removing the only tool my daughter had to deal with the situation, and she was miserable.
Reezle is slow, methodical, and deliberate in what she does. She contemplates, thinks things through, and is slow to anger or frustration. She has a very good sense of herself and others, as well as how to best soothe herself in overwhelming situations. We have tried our best to help our children find the tools they need to navigate the world successfully. What she wanted was not unreasonable for any child to ask, but especially a first grader dealing with as much "input" as a busy playground (and all of its weather variants) has to offer.
Perhaps I wouldn't have felt my blood boil instantly if there was not already a history with that woman. She stood by as my daughter got pelted in the face with rock snowballs by another student when she was in Kindergarten; Reezle came home with a welt and a scratch about an inch from her eye and no one had done a thing about it. The same child spat on my daughter at lunch, apparently because my daughter just wanted to be friends and the girl did not. Reezle cannot understand why all people can't just be friends and care about one another, and this crushed her. The playground monitors are also the lunch monitors, and again nothing was done. There were other more minor things as well, so I was already not a fan of the woman.
I can say, heartfelt and happily, that removing my children from the bricks-and-mortar public school system was the absolute best parenting decision of my life thus far. There never seems to be a shortage of things to remind me and confirm that. In our homeschool, my children can take a 5-minute recess, or an hour. They can sit when they want, swing, ride a bicycle, or as the seasons change they can make snow angels and build snowmen. Extra layers or fewer, hot cocoa or a cool drink, and a hug from mama when they're done. But I can guarantee no one is going to tell them they can't sit down if they need to.
Five months and I'm still finding reasons to be angry at the way my child was treated. Five months and things are still surfacing that I didn't know. No, there is no way I could have ever tossed my son into that snake pit. And for that matter, I never should have allowed my daughter to be subjected to it, either. There are better ways to socialize, with actual caring supervision, and socialization is about the weakest argument for public schools anyhow.
On a brighter, much more fun note, the number nerd in me is pretty excited about today's date: 11/11/11. Enjoy!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
In which I do some venting...
If you ever want to know EXACTLY where you stand with your school, school district, or special education contacts, simply remove your children from said school district's schools and see what happens. I always felt like I might eventually put my kids back in school at some point. Now I know I won't. This morning sealed it, but this morning was just the final straw.
At the end of last school year, I wrote a sincere thank you letter to R's teacher and e-mailed it. Despite the less than desirable issues with public school, first grade had not been a terrible year because my daughter's experience in the classroom had been positive. At the beginning of last school year, the paperwork to homeschool R was halfway done and she was only in school to bridge the time/attendance gap. Upon learning this, her teacher called me and was very supportive. She said that she understood if I decided to homeschool, and that it would be her (the teacher's) loss because Reezle really added something to the group. The teacher also offered her help if we went that route should any questions arise. As it turned out, she homeschooled her own children for a while. Impressed with the new teacher, we decided to keep R there for first grade.
The teacher and I communicated often by e-mail, so I had no doubt she would receive the letter. But I never heard a word back. As the weeks and months passed by, I wondered if maybe she wasn't logging in over the summer or if perhaps she didn't receive it. I still don't know.
As the start of this school year approached, I wasn't sure if our virtual charter would be contacting our former school or not, so I felt it prudent to make the call myself and talk to the principal. She had become an ally, so I thought, and I felt that we got along well despite a bit of a rocky start. When I told her that R would not be returning, it was clearly a surprise. The call was abruptly ended; there were some awkward well wishes, and the phone was quickly passed off to the school secretary. I can't explain exactly what more I wanted out of that conversation, but suffice it to say it was something more than what I got.
Today I spoke with the director of special education about getting Little G's IEP faxed to his teacher contact through our virtual school. She informed me that she'd mail it to me because a release would be required to fax it, then very unceremoniously informed me that she would no longer be dealing with my son's IEP because he was not attending school in the district. What? Yes, we were dumped, since we are "no longer IN the school district". You know, even though we are.
But you know, I shouldn't care. This county and district have been an epic FAIL at:
* Providing speech services through Early Intervention. They had none, so I taught my son sign language and found and paid for our own speech services until G was of IEP age and the district took over covering the tab.
* Providing occupational therapy. There was a period of time where I showed up for weeks and a therapist did not, so I read a bazillion books on dealing with sensory processing disorder, hypotonia, and motor skills and created a highly-effective sensory diet for him.
* Enforcing their own rules and policies on bullying.
Now, I'm not big on formalities. Okay, maybe I am. But you know, that teacher could have said, "Thanks, I enjoyed working with R, too." The principal could have been less abrupt, since she started at that school when we did and we have worked closely over the past 2 years. I even sent her an e-mail follow-up when the bus stopped here and beeped for Reezle on the first day of school, just to remind her we were enrolled elsewhere, and wished her a good school year at the new school. No response. How long would it have taken to fire back a quick, "Noted. Good luck to you, too!" And the special education director? We've worked together since Gavin was a baby! Her demeanor was perhaps most disappointing of all. You know how someone acts at the very moment they stop pretending to like you? Yeah. That.
The feeling I get is that they are quite pleased to be rid of us. Which, I guess shouldn't surprise me. I was right in everyone's face all the time holding them accountable and expecting them to *gasp* do their jobs. But I realize now that any kindness or concern was fake, and all of the genuine appreciation I had for the things they did manage to do - which I expressed often and via thank you e-mails - was misplaced. And I have to admit, that stings a little. Or a lot. These people walked a difficult road with our family, and while it wasn't always a pleasant journey I did believe the consideration was genuine. Now I know it wasn't.
Whatever. At least I walk away knowing I did the right thing, and acted in a way that I feel good with. But somehow, I'm sure they all feel the same way.
At the end of last school year, I wrote a sincere thank you letter to R's teacher and e-mailed it. Despite the less than desirable issues with public school, first grade had not been a terrible year because my daughter's experience in the classroom had been positive. At the beginning of last school year, the paperwork to homeschool R was halfway done and she was only in school to bridge the time/attendance gap. Upon learning this, her teacher called me and was very supportive. She said that she understood if I decided to homeschool, and that it would be her (the teacher's) loss because Reezle really added something to the group. The teacher also offered her help if we went that route should any questions arise. As it turned out, she homeschooled her own children for a while. Impressed with the new teacher, we decided to keep R there for first grade.
The teacher and I communicated often by e-mail, so I had no doubt she would receive the letter. But I never heard a word back. As the weeks and months passed by, I wondered if maybe she wasn't logging in over the summer or if perhaps she didn't receive it. I still don't know.
As the start of this school year approached, I wasn't sure if our virtual charter would be contacting our former school or not, so I felt it prudent to make the call myself and talk to the principal. She had become an ally, so I thought, and I felt that we got along well despite a bit of a rocky start. When I told her that R would not be returning, it was clearly a surprise. The call was abruptly ended; there were some awkward well wishes, and the phone was quickly passed off to the school secretary. I can't explain exactly what more I wanted out of that conversation, but suffice it to say it was something more than what I got.
Today I spoke with the director of special education about getting Little G's IEP faxed to his teacher contact through our virtual school. She informed me that she'd mail it to me because a release would be required to fax it, then very unceremoniously informed me that she would no longer be dealing with my son's IEP because he was not attending school in the district. What? Yes, we were dumped, since we are "no longer IN the school district". You know, even though we are.
But you know, I shouldn't care. This county and district have been an epic FAIL at:
* Providing speech services through Early Intervention. They had none, so I taught my son sign language and found and paid for our own speech services until G was of IEP age and the district took over covering the tab.
* Providing occupational therapy. There was a period of time where I showed up for weeks and a therapist did not, so I read a bazillion books on dealing with sensory processing disorder, hypotonia, and motor skills and created a highly-effective sensory diet for him.
* Enforcing their own rules and policies on bullying.
Now, I'm not big on formalities. Okay, maybe I am. But you know, that teacher could have said, "Thanks, I enjoyed working with R, too." The principal could have been less abrupt, since she started at that school when we did and we have worked closely over the past 2 years. I even sent her an e-mail follow-up when the bus stopped here and beeped for Reezle on the first day of school, just to remind her we were enrolled elsewhere, and wished her a good school year at the new school. No response. How long would it have taken to fire back a quick, "Noted. Good luck to you, too!" And the special education director? We've worked together since Gavin was a baby! Her demeanor was perhaps most disappointing of all. You know how someone acts at the very moment they stop pretending to like you? Yeah. That.
The feeling I get is that they are quite pleased to be rid of us. Which, I guess shouldn't surprise me. I was right in everyone's face all the time holding them accountable and expecting them to *gasp* do their jobs. But I realize now that any kindness or concern was fake, and all of the genuine appreciation I had for the things they did manage to do - which I expressed often and via thank you e-mails - was misplaced. And I have to admit, that stings a little. Or a lot. These people walked a difficult road with our family, and while it wasn't always a pleasant journey I did believe the consideration was genuine. Now I know it wasn't.
Whatever. At least I walk away knowing I did the right thing, and acted in a way that I feel good with. But somehow, I'm sure they all feel the same way.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Simple Pleasures
It appears that, based on our state's department of education website and a conservative estimate, we cost the school district more than $6k by removing our children.
At the end of last school year, our Superintendent made some very poor (the opinion of many, not just my own) decisions about the direction of our district. Families affected by these changes did not get a say in the matter, and there are a lot of people who are feeling more than a little upset about this. After previous unsatisfactory dealings with the Superintendent over the district's failure to enforce its own policies on bullying when my then Kindergarten student was repeatedly victimized, this was the straw - the ultimate deciding factor which propelled my husband and I right over the fence between public school and homeschool.
It's probably wrong, but my reaction to the financial loss for our district based on my children no longer attending was as follows:
At the end of last school year, our Superintendent made some very poor (the opinion of many, not just my own) decisions about the direction of our district. Families affected by these changes did not get a say in the matter, and there are a lot of people who are feeling more than a little upset about this. After previous unsatisfactory dealings with the Superintendent over the district's failure to enforce its own policies on bullying when my then Kindergarten student was repeatedly victimized, this was the straw - the ultimate deciding factor which propelled my husband and I right over the fence between public school and homeschool.
It's probably wrong, but my reaction to the financial loss for our district based on my children no longer attending was as follows:
LOL :D
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Compulsory
Compulsory school attendance. When I think of traditional public school, and my own experience in it, the word compulsory seems very fitting. From Merriam-Webster:
com·pul·so·ry
1. Required by law or a rule; obligatory.
2. Involving or exercising compulsion; coercive.
Starting my children off in a system where, by nature and name, they would be coerced, required and obligated to learn felt wrong.
Let's examine those words a little further. From Dictionary.com:
com·pul·sive
1. Resulting from or relating to an irresistible urge, esp. one that is against one's conscious wishes: "compulsive eating".
2. (of a person) Acting as a result of such an urge.
co·er·cive: Adjective: Relating to or using force or threats: "coercive measures".
My children have learned a lot already, more than is expected at the time they reached the age of compulsory school attendance. But they were never obligated. They were never coerced. They never obtained information in a compulsive manner. Learning was an enjoyable, mostly child-led activity, which was certainly not ruled with an iron fist and done under threat of penalty of law.
Considering what learning means to me and my husband, versus what learning appears to mean (by its very definition) to our public education system, it is clear that we are not all on the same page. My husband and I value education, if perhaps for different reasons than the education system values it. We believe it is important, even necessary, but we also truly enjoy learning. I will assume it is no coincidence that our children also enjoy learning. So, with this in mind, it is no wonder I cringed at the mere thought of introducing our children to a school system that values conformity, unquestioning obedience, and the "banking concept" of education (Google Paulo Friere or Pedagogy of the Oppressed) over the individuality, curiosity, and hands-on experiential learning we had encouraged in our children.
Knowing that we are a different breed, the husband and I, I figured it was probably for the best to encourage our children to be happy little sheeple who did as they were told with a smile and a skip in their step. And while that worked, at least on the surface and as far as the school system was concerned, for our daughter, two things gnawed at me from the edges of my consciousness. One was that my daughter's endless smiles had become a finite resource as she experienced the bullying that is too often dismissed as a rite of passage for school-age children, and I was so not okay with that. I spent nights awake crying, looking at my precious girl as she slept, wondering how long it would be before it ruined her.
The other issue is that my son is the apple who does not fall far from the tree. I will assume that my daughter got her easy-going, accepting manner from her dad, but my son is all me. What my daughter will accept and let roll off her back, my son will fight with ardent determination until justice is achieved. Nothing else in the world matters until that goal is met. And that, as I am sorely aware, is not a good fit with the public education system. Add to that the fact that my son has a diagnosis of autism and a speech disorder, both of which are exacerbated by stress, and the possible scenarios literally kept me awake at night until my husband and I agreed that homeschooling was the best option.
Public education clearly works for many children. I'm not saying that all parents should immediately remove their children from the public school system and homeschool them. This blog is about my own feelings, my own family, and what I feel works best for us. What I am saying is that we should stop accepting bullying as a rite of passage, examine the definitions of words like compulsory, and realize that children are individuals and act accordingly instead of determinedly trying to pound square pegs into round holes.
School starts Monday. I no longer dread my children starting school. I am enjoying autumn for the first time in years without a knot in my middle about what unpleasantness lurks in the halls of the elementary school and how many calls I will get about bullying incidents, injuries, or other issues. Or worse, the calls I won't get.
I will not harbor feelings of bitterness as months pass by without a single call from the head classroom parent for any of the activities or parties because she has already called her friends to participate. Nor will I have to endure more questions from my children as to why Sally and Joey's mommies are there all the time and I am not. I will be there for all of it. I will be mom, and mom is teacher by default.
com·pul·so·ry
1. Required by law or a rule; obligatory.
2. Involving or exercising compulsion; coercive.
Starting my children off in a system where, by nature and name, they would be coerced, required and obligated to learn felt wrong.
Let's examine those words a little further. From Dictionary.com:
com·pul·sive
1. Resulting from or relating to an irresistible urge, esp. one that is against one's conscious wishes: "compulsive eating".
2. (of a person) Acting as a result of such an urge.
co·er·cive: Adjective: Relating to or using force or threats: "coercive measures".
My children have learned a lot already, more than is expected at the time they reached the age of compulsory school attendance. But they were never obligated. They were never coerced. They never obtained information in a compulsive manner. Learning was an enjoyable, mostly child-led activity, which was certainly not ruled with an iron fist and done under threat of penalty of law.
Considering what learning means to me and my husband, versus what learning appears to mean (by its very definition) to our public education system, it is clear that we are not all on the same page. My husband and I value education, if perhaps for different reasons than the education system values it. We believe it is important, even necessary, but we also truly enjoy learning. I will assume it is no coincidence that our children also enjoy learning. So, with this in mind, it is no wonder I cringed at the mere thought of introducing our children to a school system that values conformity, unquestioning obedience, and the "banking concept" of education (Google Paulo Friere or Pedagogy of the Oppressed) over the individuality, curiosity, and hands-on experiential learning we had encouraged in our children.
Knowing that we are a different breed, the husband and I, I figured it was probably for the best to encourage our children to be happy little sheeple who did as they were told with a smile and a skip in their step. And while that worked, at least on the surface and as far as the school system was concerned, for our daughter, two things gnawed at me from the edges of my consciousness. One was that my daughter's endless smiles had become a finite resource as she experienced the bullying that is too often dismissed as a rite of passage for school-age children, and I was so not okay with that. I spent nights awake crying, looking at my precious girl as she slept, wondering how long it would be before it ruined her.
The other issue is that my son is the apple who does not fall far from the tree. I will assume that my daughter got her easy-going, accepting manner from her dad, but my son is all me. What my daughter will accept and let roll off her back, my son will fight with ardent determination until justice is achieved. Nothing else in the world matters until that goal is met. And that, as I am sorely aware, is not a good fit with the public education system. Add to that the fact that my son has a diagnosis of autism and a speech disorder, both of which are exacerbated by stress, and the possible scenarios literally kept me awake at night until my husband and I agreed that homeschooling was the best option.
Public education clearly works for many children. I'm not saying that all parents should immediately remove their children from the public school system and homeschool them. This blog is about my own feelings, my own family, and what I feel works best for us. What I am saying is that we should stop accepting bullying as a rite of passage, examine the definitions of words like compulsory, and realize that children are individuals and act accordingly instead of determinedly trying to pound square pegs into round holes.
School starts Monday. I no longer dread my children starting school. I am enjoying autumn for the first time in years without a knot in my middle about what unpleasantness lurks in the halls of the elementary school and how many calls I will get about bullying incidents, injuries, or other issues. Or worse, the calls I won't get.
I will not harbor feelings of bitterness as months pass by without a single call from the head classroom parent for any of the activities or parties because she has already called her friends to participate. Nor will I have to endure more questions from my children as to why Sally and Joey's mommies are there all the time and I am not. I will be there for all of it. I will be mom, and mom is teacher by default.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Socializing, Part II: Bullying and Popularity
It might surprise many people to know that I believe my children will receive more social benefits from being homeschooled (see my previous post here). What probably won't surprise them is my concern about the growing epidemic of bullying in our public schools. Overcrowded schools with kids who bully and teachers who don't care and administrators who don't do their jobs are more common, both in my experience and what I gather from others, that most any of us would be comfortable with if we allowed ourselves to think about it. The impact of bullying and very real psychological damage done by the less fabulous social aspects of public school is downplayed severely. "Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it," according to BullyingStatistics.org, and a British study (available at the same site) says that about half of suicides among young people are due to bullying. Further, consider that 1 in 4 children are bullied, and only about 58% report it. Those are some sobering statistics. Bullying-related suicide deaths are a growing epidemic in our country. Meanwhile, I have never heard of a child committing suicide because they were homeschooled.
In the two years my daughter was in preschool, and the one year my son attended, they were not bullied even once. They loved school and looked forward to going. But there were key differences between preschool and elementary school; a smaller teacher to student ratio (1:8), more structure, and very little random free time. Classes were 3x weekly for a couple of hours, and we all received a detailed typed report of everything the children had done that day and what they would be doing next time.
Elementary school was like jumping into a cold pool for me; the shock was palpable. There were no more detailed communications of what my daughter was doing, the days were much longer and 5 days/week, and there were bullies. Bullies on the bus, bullies in the lunch room, bullies on the playground, bullies from other classes, and even a bully for a gym teacher who went so far as to tell lies about my child to justify her poor handling of R's sensory struggles with noise and disorganized movement. My daughter, just by the end of Kindergarten, had rock snowballs thrown at her face, had a peer spit in her face at lunchtime because my daughter simply wanted to be her friend, was injured by a boy she didn't even know 'because he felt like it', was verbally and physically bullied on the bus, and became so upset about the happenings on the bus that she asked me to start driving her to school. That was quite significant, since she had spent years watching the bus do morning and afternoon runs by our home with great anticipation of the day she could finally ride it.
But it's not just bullying; it can also be compromising who you are to be part of the in crowd. The characteristics that will get you ahead in life are not typically the ones valued by peers. In fact, they just might make you a target. We need only look to the popular television shows on Nickelodeon to see what matters to school-age children. Spoiled, entitled behavior is rampant, elementary students are walking around texting with their own cell phones, and everyone is keeping up with the Jones'. A boy who is good at sports or a girl who has great hair and brand name clothes is far more likely to get positive feedback from peers than they would for being in honors math or being accepted to Yale.
Highly intelligent students typically have different priorities and interests. For some, this doesn't affect their social lives, but for many it does. If you don't see that easily at first glance, it is probably because there are many highly intelligent children not living up to their potential because school is a hostile environment for them, or because they have such a desire to fit in and be accepted that they make that their priority. I don't want my children to ever feel like their education has to include a popularity contest, or that they have to sacrifice who they are to be accepted.
Catch-all statements like "kids need to go to [public] school" are frustrating to me. I choose to homeschool my children, but I would never say that all kids need to be homeschooled. I simply don't believe either statement is true. Public school was okay, when you balance the positives (wonderful teachers) and negatives (bullying, family disconnect). But it was just okay. And I want better for my children than "okay".
In the two years my daughter was in preschool, and the one year my son attended, they were not bullied even once. They loved school and looked forward to going. But there were key differences between preschool and elementary school; a smaller teacher to student ratio (1:8), more structure, and very little random free time. Classes were 3x weekly for a couple of hours, and we all received a detailed typed report of everything the children had done that day and what they would be doing next time.
Elementary school was like jumping into a cold pool for me; the shock was palpable. There were no more detailed communications of what my daughter was doing, the days were much longer and 5 days/week, and there were bullies. Bullies on the bus, bullies in the lunch room, bullies on the playground, bullies from other classes, and even a bully for a gym teacher who went so far as to tell lies about my child to justify her poor handling of R's sensory struggles with noise and disorganized movement. My daughter, just by the end of Kindergarten, had rock snowballs thrown at her face, had a peer spit in her face at lunchtime because my daughter simply wanted to be her friend, was injured by a boy she didn't even know 'because he felt like it', was verbally and physically bullied on the bus, and became so upset about the happenings on the bus that she asked me to start driving her to school. That was quite significant, since she had spent years watching the bus do morning and afternoon runs by our home with great anticipation of the day she could finally ride it.
But it's not just bullying; it can also be compromising who you are to be part of the in crowd. The characteristics that will get you ahead in life are not typically the ones valued by peers. In fact, they just might make you a target. We need only look to the popular television shows on Nickelodeon to see what matters to school-age children. Spoiled, entitled behavior is rampant, elementary students are walking around texting with their own cell phones, and everyone is keeping up with the Jones'. A boy who is good at sports or a girl who has great hair and brand name clothes is far more likely to get positive feedback from peers than they would for being in honors math or being accepted to Yale.
Highly intelligent students typically have different priorities and interests. For some, this doesn't affect their social lives, but for many it does. If you don't see that easily at first glance, it is probably because there are many highly intelligent children not living up to their potential because school is a hostile environment for them, or because they have such a desire to fit in and be accepted that they make that their priority. I don't want my children to ever feel like their education has to include a popularity contest, or that they have to sacrifice who they are to be accepted.
Catch-all statements like "kids need to go to [public] school" are frustrating to me. I choose to homeschool my children, but I would never say that all kids need to be homeschooled. I simply don't believe either statement is true. Public school was okay, when you balance the positives (wonderful teachers) and negatives (bullying, family disconnect). But it was just okay. And I want better for my children than "okay".
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Socializing, Part I: People of All Ages
This is part one of a two-part post about my thoughts on homeschooling, public schools, and socialization. This is probably the the number one topic homeschoolers are confronted with by critics and concerned friends and relatives, and it is also something I believe is quite misunderstood. Thus, I have a lot to say about this, and probably will have much more to say in future posts.
Critics of homeschoolers are often quick to cite proper socialization as a reason children should be shipped off to public school. Interestingly, very few people ever mention the quality of education homeschooled children will receive! For a society so concerned with socializing our children, one might think we would be equally concerned with the quality of those social interactions. But quality doesn't seem to enter the equation, ever. And I find that sad, and a little disturbing.
I don't necessarily believe that those who tout the social skills development benefits of public school really think about what they are saying. How many people truly believe that a group of 15 or 20 age-matched children can provide social skills and values adequately and appropriately for their child? Yes, I added values in there, because anyone who thinks their values at home will automatically override the values of those their children spend most of their waking hours with is likely in for unpleasant surprises ahead. I'm not saying it cannot be accomplished, but it takes an incredible amount of parental effort and involvement that I am not sure is present within the 'let the schools take care of it' mentality.
As a child, I lived in an apartment complex for the first 9 years of my life which was basically a retirement community. Most of my interactions were with much, much older adults. I delighted in playing violin, reading stories, or talking for hours over cocoa with my elderly neighbors, and enjoyed playing with grandchildren of all ages when they would visit. As a result of that experience, socially interacting with people of all ages, I was able to relate to people of all ages with confidence. And, for that matter, with interest. Age barriers became more blurred for me, and I simply saw people as people. It was actually my age-matched peers who proved most difficult, and had they been my only, or even the majority of my social exposure, I don't believe that would have been positive for me in the least. I want my children to interact with children and adults of all ages who are positive influences, and feel comfortable doing so. After all, in the real, post-school world, they will always be interacting with people of all ages.
This isn't to say some public school options don't offer such opportunities, but for the most part there is a very sharp cutoff between adults and children, and even between children in different grades. I never understood that, nor do I think it is particularly healthy. We are all people, and I often did not feel like a person in school; or at least, not a person with rights or respect. Sure, putting first graders with fifth graders on the playground with minimal supervision can be disastrous, but why not involve them all together in structured activities? Our local elementary did some of that, by having fourth grade students read to the Kindergartners; however, I feel that it still fostered the 'I am above you, imparting knowledge to you', one-directional way of education.
While public school is certainly the preferred route for some families whose children thrive there and truly have a positive experience, those children are not representative of all children. By nature, we are all different, and we cannot expect a cookie cutter education to work for every child. Given the very same curriculum, environment, peer group, and teachers, two students can have wildly different experiences and outcomes. I do my very best to understand my children, to consider life from their perspective. I ask a lot of questions about how they think and feel about things and ask for their feedback on family decisions. It is my belief that they should feel valued, always, and I'm not confident that most schools offer this sort of environment.
Until my next post, here are just a few of the ways homeschooled children can really enjoy very active and healthy social lives:
Critics of homeschoolers are often quick to cite proper socialization as a reason children should be shipped off to public school. Interestingly, very few people ever mention the quality of education homeschooled children will receive! For a society so concerned with socializing our children, one might think we would be equally concerned with the quality of those social interactions. But quality doesn't seem to enter the equation, ever. And I find that sad, and a little disturbing.
I don't necessarily believe that those who tout the social skills development benefits of public school really think about what they are saying. How many people truly believe that a group of 15 or 20 age-matched children can provide social skills and values adequately and appropriately for their child? Yes, I added values in there, because anyone who thinks their values at home will automatically override the values of those their children spend most of their waking hours with is likely in for unpleasant surprises ahead. I'm not saying it cannot be accomplished, but it takes an incredible amount of parental effort and involvement that I am not sure is present within the 'let the schools take care of it' mentality.
As a child, I lived in an apartment complex for the first 9 years of my life which was basically a retirement community. Most of my interactions were with much, much older adults. I delighted in playing violin, reading stories, or talking for hours over cocoa with my elderly neighbors, and enjoyed playing with grandchildren of all ages when they would visit. As a result of that experience, socially interacting with people of all ages, I was able to relate to people of all ages with confidence. And, for that matter, with interest. Age barriers became more blurred for me, and I simply saw people as people. It was actually my age-matched peers who proved most difficult, and had they been my only, or even the majority of my social exposure, I don't believe that would have been positive for me in the least. I want my children to interact with children and adults of all ages who are positive influences, and feel comfortable doing so. After all, in the real, post-school world, they will always be interacting with people of all ages.
This isn't to say some public school options don't offer such opportunities, but for the most part there is a very sharp cutoff between adults and children, and even between children in different grades. I never understood that, nor do I think it is particularly healthy. We are all people, and I often did not feel like a person in school; or at least, not a person with rights or respect. Sure, putting first graders with fifth graders on the playground with minimal supervision can be disastrous, but why not involve them all together in structured activities? Our local elementary did some of that, by having fourth grade students read to the Kindergartners; however, I feel that it still fostered the 'I am above you, imparting knowledge to you', one-directional way of education.
While public school is certainly the preferred route for some families whose children thrive there and truly have a positive experience, those children are not representative of all children. By nature, we are all different, and we cannot expect a cookie cutter education to work for every child. Given the very same curriculum, environment, peer group, and teachers, two students can have wildly different experiences and outcomes. I do my very best to understand my children, to consider life from their perspective. I ask a lot of questions about how they think and feel about things and ask for their feedback on family decisions. It is my belief that they should feel valued, always, and I'm not confident that most schools offer this sort of environment.
Until my next post, here are just a few of the ways homeschooled children can really enjoy very active and healthy social lives:
- Scouts
- Library groups
- Community volunteering
- YMCA
- Homeschool groups
- Arts centers
- Dance classes
- Gymnastics
- Martial arts
- 4-H
- Community sports teams (soccer, baseball, softball, etc.)
- Local common interest groups (painting, collecting things, etc.)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Bullying
Since before my children were out of diapers, there were many reasons I considered homeschooling them. One of the reasons was bullying. My husband and I always knew that bullying was rampant in schools, though we both quite mistakenly figured it was something that would become an issue down the road - perhaps in junior high school. Boy, were we wrong.
I was excited for my daughter as she anticipated her first ride on the big yellow school bus she had been watching thoughtfully for a couple of years as it made the morning and afternoon routes past our home. But I was also sad, because even the best schools with the most dedicated teachers and brightest students also have bullies. There would be 7 hours every week day where I would have very little information about what was happening in my daughter's life. That's substantial.
My discomfort with the ways of traditional schools didn't stem from the fact that I am a control freak or one of those moms who wants to wrap her kid in pillows and a helmet before sending them out the door; my concerns were based on life experience. And, especially during those early years, a school day is a long time to be separated from family. Young children aren't exactly famous for relaying complete or accurate information about their days away from home, and as any parent of a teen can attest, it doesn't get much better with age.
The first time my sweet girl came home from school with an injury caused by another student, a scrape just beneath her eye, I was quick to give the benefit of the doubt. I asked what happened, and she told me that another child had thrown a snow ball at her, and I assumed it was a result of kids being kids on the playground in the snow. I did not, at the time, know about the school's 'no snow ball throwing' policy. I also did not know, until it happened again with a rock placed inside, that the snow was intentionally thrown at my daughter's face to injure her. The playground monitors? They did nothing. In fact, they didn't even report it to the teacher. But I sure did.
Over the course of the rest of the school year, my daughter was spat on at lunch because she wanted to be friends with another girl who did not want to be friends with her, had her arm clawed by a boy who said he 'just felt like doing that', and was verbally and eventually physically bullied by a team of three students on the bus a year ahead of her.
I went all Mama Bear and had everyone from the principal to the teacher to the bus driver to the guy in charge at the transportation department on speed dial. The teacher was wonderful. The principal really did her best as well. But there is only so much that can be done. But what really got me was when I kept pointing out the district's own bullying policy and stating that I wanted the bullies given time off of the bus, and the request was never taken seriously - but when my daughter caught the bus going up the street instead of down the street a couple of times, we were threatened with time off of the bus! The transportation guy never really liked me again after that.
As Little G's 5th birthday approached, I was already dreading Kindergarten. If my daughter, the well-spoken and much more social child of the two faced such as much bullying as she did, how would my autistic son with a speech disorder fare? It stressed me out immensely. Possibilities played in my head like awful movies; I pictured him being bullied, trying to respond, being unable to speak and being further victimized for that. I had to put it out of my mind. I couldn't bear the thoughts. R pretty much lets stuff roll like water off of a duck. G internalizes and is crushed by it.
Some people have said things to me like, "Well, they have to get used to the real world at some point." And I agree. But I have never been bullied in my adult life, not like kids experience in school. Does it happen? Sure, but it's rare and there are legal options available to adults who are harassed. Children are at the mercy of adults and school systems who often fail them terribly, and victimized by much more traumatic and frequent bullying which they have not developed psychologically enough yet to see for what it is. And statistically speaking, 58% of children never report being bullied. Worse? 1 in 4 children experience bullying.
Too many schools and parents consider bullying a harmless rite of passage. It isn't. Children commit suicide over this. People fail to reach their full potential because of wrecked self-esteem, or avoid doing things they otherwise would to enrich their lives because they fear their peers. Too many kids drop out of school because they cannot handle the social climate, not because the work is too difficult. And what a waste. I often wonder about the casualties of bullying; if the person who would have developed a cure for cancer or some other serious disease was bullied into dropping out of school, or life.
I believe in education. I love to learn, and so do my children. But many children who do receive a great education do so in spite of traditional schools and all of the garbage they encounter there. I'm not saying good kids don't have good experiences, or that kids don't have good times at school, or that all schools are bad, or that a lot of kids can't be really successful. I'm just saying I like our odds better this way. Raising children to be confident, motivated, self-starters who reach for their dreams and are willing to work hard for what they want is difficult enough in this world without the added burden of having to undo the damage of bullying.
Learn more about bullying at BullyingStatistics.org.
I was excited for my daughter as she anticipated her first ride on the big yellow school bus she had been watching thoughtfully for a couple of years as it made the morning and afternoon routes past our home. But I was also sad, because even the best schools with the most dedicated teachers and brightest students also have bullies. There would be 7 hours every week day where I would have very little information about what was happening in my daughter's life. That's substantial.
My discomfort with the ways of traditional schools didn't stem from the fact that I am a control freak or one of those moms who wants to wrap her kid in pillows and a helmet before sending them out the door; my concerns were based on life experience. And, especially during those early years, a school day is a long time to be separated from family. Young children aren't exactly famous for relaying complete or accurate information about their days away from home, and as any parent of a teen can attest, it doesn't get much better with age.
The first time my sweet girl came home from school with an injury caused by another student, a scrape just beneath her eye, I was quick to give the benefit of the doubt. I asked what happened, and she told me that another child had thrown a snow ball at her, and I assumed it was a result of kids being kids on the playground in the snow. I did not, at the time, know about the school's 'no snow ball throwing' policy. I also did not know, until it happened again with a rock placed inside, that the snow was intentionally thrown at my daughter's face to injure her. The playground monitors? They did nothing. In fact, they didn't even report it to the teacher. But I sure did.
Over the course of the rest of the school year, my daughter was spat on at lunch because she wanted to be friends with another girl who did not want to be friends with her, had her arm clawed by a boy who said he 'just felt like doing that', and was verbally and eventually physically bullied by a team of three students on the bus a year ahead of her.
I went all Mama Bear and had everyone from the principal to the teacher to the bus driver to the guy in charge at the transportation department on speed dial. The teacher was wonderful. The principal really did her best as well. But there is only so much that can be done. But what really got me was when I kept pointing out the district's own bullying policy and stating that I wanted the bullies given time off of the bus, and the request was never taken seriously - but when my daughter caught the bus going up the street instead of down the street a couple of times, we were threatened with time off of the bus! The transportation guy never really liked me again after that.
As Little G's 5th birthday approached, I was already dreading Kindergarten. If my daughter, the well-spoken and much more social child of the two faced such as much bullying as she did, how would my autistic son with a speech disorder fare? It stressed me out immensely. Possibilities played in my head like awful movies; I pictured him being bullied, trying to respond, being unable to speak and being further victimized for that. I had to put it out of my mind. I couldn't bear the thoughts. R pretty much lets stuff roll like water off of a duck. G internalizes and is crushed by it.
Some people have said things to me like, "Well, they have to get used to the real world at some point." And I agree. But I have never been bullied in my adult life, not like kids experience in school. Does it happen? Sure, but it's rare and there are legal options available to adults who are harassed. Children are at the mercy of adults and school systems who often fail them terribly, and victimized by much more traumatic and frequent bullying which they have not developed psychologically enough yet to see for what it is. And statistically speaking, 58% of children never report being bullied. Worse? 1 in 4 children experience bullying.
Too many schools and parents consider bullying a harmless rite of passage. It isn't. Children commit suicide over this. People fail to reach their full potential because of wrecked self-esteem, or avoid doing things they otherwise would to enrich their lives because they fear their peers. Too many kids drop out of school because they cannot handle the social climate, not because the work is too difficult. And what a waste. I often wonder about the casualties of bullying; if the person who would have developed a cure for cancer or some other serious disease was bullied into dropping out of school, or life.
I believe in education. I love to learn, and so do my children. But many children who do receive a great education do so in spite of traditional schools and all of the garbage they encounter there. I'm not saying good kids don't have good experiences, or that kids don't have good times at school, or that all schools are bad, or that a lot of kids can't be really successful. I'm just saying I like our odds better this way. Raising children to be confident, motivated, self-starters who reach for their dreams and are willing to work hard for what they want is difficult enough in this world without the added burden of having to undo the damage of bullying.
Learn more about bullying at BullyingStatistics.org.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Homeschool Pros and Cons
I thought I would make a list of the things I feel very positive about as we look forward to this homeschool journey, and also a list of the things I have fears or concerns about. Positive list first!
Speech
G's speech has come so far from the days when we needed sign language for him to be able to communicate his most basic needs. His speech therapist was a miracle, and I did my best to supplement at home. I incorporated speech activities into everything from reading books to silly games I made up. Sometimes he knew he was working on his words, but most times he just thought he was having fun. What I love about the homeschooling option for G is that I can slip speech exercises right into learning about otherwise unrelated subject matter. He would not be getting that in public school. In fact, they would pull him out of his regular classes for speech, which would not only interrupt his academic schedule but also draw undue attention to him. I don't like either of those issues. And no matter how good their therapist is, no one knows his specific needs better than me, because I live with him and have been actively working to understand and help him from the time he was a baby.
Physical Education
Mostly, I think PE in schools is a joke, and not a funny one. With sensory and focus issues, a loud gym class filled with unruly Kindergartners, bright florescent lights, and lots of unpredictable movement would more than likely lead to misery, meltdowns, and extreme difficulty finding focus afterward to complete the rest of his academic day. I have some experience on this; it's not mere conjecture. I took him to a restaurant a few weeks ago where there was loud music and a lot of people moving around, and it literally took three days to get him balanced out after that. He was an overstimulated mess. Which brings me to my next issue.
Sensory Diet
At home, I can work on G's sensory diet as needed. In school, they can offer him OT (Occupational Therapy) services, but again, they are not going to be able to do as well as I can with him because I know him, and I know what produces results fast and predictably. And I can implement this as needed through his academic day, where asking his teachers to do that would be a bit of a reach. "Oh, by the way, Mrs. P., when G gets really overstimulated, you can calm him down within five minutes with tight hugs or by wrapping him up like a burrito in a blanket." Teachers just don't have the time or resources to offer than kind of individual attention in a classroom of 20 students. The other benefit is that I can monitor his progress more accurately, and the goal I am working toward is where his sensory diet includes things he can do himself to work through those times of near-meltdown. At age 5, he simply hasn't mastered it yet.
Format, Media and Environment
G loves computers, electronics, anything with buttons. He will be doing a lot of work online for his homeschooling. We can also make use of programs on PBS kids for supplemental material, trips out into the world for some hands-on experience with what we are talking about in his curriculum, and resources on the internet including educational games and YouTube's plethora of videos on just about anything you can possibly dream up. I rather like the idea of talking about history and taking a trip to a museum, or discussing the patterns of weather and actually going outside to experience it during our discussion, or going on a walk and using found objects for the day's art or science work.
Quality Time
Some parents look eagerly forward to the time their children will spend in school, away from home, affording them some free time. I have never been one of those parents. I cried after the bus left for the first few days of Kindergarten and first grade, and though my tears eventually stopped falling, the feeling of sending my daughter away for 8 hours a day just never felt right. It is not that I don't believe that developing independence is an important, perhaps critical, phase of childhood development, it's that it's such a substantial chunk of the day. I value a close family, and it seems like the traditional methods of schooling tear at the threads of the family fabric. There is such a disconnect. Further, I truly enjoy being involved in my children's learning experiences. And, well, I don't necessarily appreciate some of the things they are exposed to in public school, from bullying to some seriously wrecked (or completely absent) value systems. While first grade was nearly bully-free, Kindergarten was a nightmare of verbal and physical bullying - and the 'education' my daughter received went way beyond the classroom and my comfort level. With homeschooling, there are still plenty of social opportunities, from art classes to scouts to homeschool field trips - and we have more control over who our children interact with and what is done when problems arise.
Alrighty, then. Now, on to that less pleasant list of things that worry me.
Doing It Right
The big, looming question is...what if I screw up? I think I covered my anxieties about homeschooling fairly well in my previous post, so I won't repeat myself here. Simply stated, I worry myself about the logistics. Am I up for the challenge? This isn't a birthday party, a hairstyle, or room decor - it's their education. I place great importance on education. And while my brain tells me that homeschooling - especially in the format I've chosen after much research - is far more beneficial, I do have my own self-doubts to deal with. It is a tremendous responsibility.
Socializing
I know, I know. This is probably not as big an issue as many people make of it. Really, the only time kids are doing a lot of socializing in school is on the bus, on the playground, and in the lunch room. In reality, they would get much more interaction in personally arranged play dates, community art classes, library groups, and homeschool get-togethers. Most socialization takes place within the family. Of course, the familiarity of being with their public school peers builds a bond among friends, but it appears rare that these people end up being part of our lives once we reach adulthood anyway. More often, it is our college friends, colleagues, and 'mommy friends' who stick with us later on. I have one friend I remain in contact with from high school. The rest of my friends I met through my chosen activities, work, college, or my community. Or Facebook! Ha! But anyway, perhaps because people mention it constantly, this topic does still kind of get to me.
I guess this means my list of positives greatly overshadows the list of not-so-positives. Which I already knew, and it is why I decided to homeschool my son for sure and why I am considering homeschooling R as well. But with just over a month to go, the nerves are working overtime!
Speech
G's speech has come so far from the days when we needed sign language for him to be able to communicate his most basic needs. His speech therapist was a miracle, and I did my best to supplement at home. I incorporated speech activities into everything from reading books to silly games I made up. Sometimes he knew he was working on his words, but most times he just thought he was having fun. What I love about the homeschooling option for G is that I can slip speech exercises right into learning about otherwise unrelated subject matter. He would not be getting that in public school. In fact, they would pull him out of his regular classes for speech, which would not only interrupt his academic schedule but also draw undue attention to him. I don't like either of those issues. And no matter how good their therapist is, no one knows his specific needs better than me, because I live with him and have been actively working to understand and help him from the time he was a baby.
Physical Education
Mostly, I think PE in schools is a joke, and not a funny one. With sensory and focus issues, a loud gym class filled with unruly Kindergartners, bright florescent lights, and lots of unpredictable movement would more than likely lead to misery, meltdowns, and extreme difficulty finding focus afterward to complete the rest of his academic day. I have some experience on this; it's not mere conjecture. I took him to a restaurant a few weeks ago where there was loud music and a lot of people moving around, and it literally took three days to get him balanced out after that. He was an overstimulated mess. Which brings me to my next issue.
Sensory Diet
At home, I can work on G's sensory diet as needed. In school, they can offer him OT (Occupational Therapy) services, but again, they are not going to be able to do as well as I can with him because I know him, and I know what produces results fast and predictably. And I can implement this as needed through his academic day, where asking his teachers to do that would be a bit of a reach. "Oh, by the way, Mrs. P., when G gets really overstimulated, you can calm him down within five minutes with tight hugs or by wrapping him up like a burrito in a blanket." Teachers just don't have the time or resources to offer than kind of individual attention in a classroom of 20 students. The other benefit is that I can monitor his progress more accurately, and the goal I am working toward is where his sensory diet includes things he can do himself to work through those times of near-meltdown. At age 5, he simply hasn't mastered it yet.
Format, Media and Environment
G loves computers, electronics, anything with buttons. He will be doing a lot of work online for his homeschooling. We can also make use of programs on PBS kids for supplemental material, trips out into the world for some hands-on experience with what we are talking about in his curriculum, and resources on the internet including educational games and YouTube's plethora of videos on just about anything you can possibly dream up. I rather like the idea of talking about history and taking a trip to a museum, or discussing the patterns of weather and actually going outside to experience it during our discussion, or going on a walk and using found objects for the day's art or science work.
Quality Time
Some parents look eagerly forward to the time their children will spend in school, away from home, affording them some free time. I have never been one of those parents. I cried after the bus left for the first few days of Kindergarten and first grade, and though my tears eventually stopped falling, the feeling of sending my daughter away for 8 hours a day just never felt right. It is not that I don't believe that developing independence is an important, perhaps critical, phase of childhood development, it's that it's such a substantial chunk of the day. I value a close family, and it seems like the traditional methods of schooling tear at the threads of the family fabric. There is such a disconnect. Further, I truly enjoy being involved in my children's learning experiences. And, well, I don't necessarily appreciate some of the things they are exposed to in public school, from bullying to some seriously wrecked (or completely absent) value systems. While first grade was nearly bully-free, Kindergarten was a nightmare of verbal and physical bullying - and the 'education' my daughter received went way beyond the classroom and my comfort level. With homeschooling, there are still plenty of social opportunities, from art classes to scouts to homeschool field trips - and we have more control over who our children interact with and what is done when problems arise.
Alrighty, then. Now, on to that less pleasant list of things that worry me.
Doing It Right
The big, looming question is...what if I screw up? I think I covered my anxieties about homeschooling fairly well in my previous post, so I won't repeat myself here. Simply stated, I worry myself about the logistics. Am I up for the challenge? This isn't a birthday party, a hairstyle, or room decor - it's their education. I place great importance on education. And while my brain tells me that homeschooling - especially in the format I've chosen after much research - is far more beneficial, I do have my own self-doubts to deal with. It is a tremendous responsibility.
Socializing
I know, I know. This is probably not as big an issue as many people make of it. Really, the only time kids are doing a lot of socializing in school is on the bus, on the playground, and in the lunch room. In reality, they would get much more interaction in personally arranged play dates, community art classes, library groups, and homeschool get-togethers. Most socialization takes place within the family. Of course, the familiarity of being with their public school peers builds a bond among friends, but it appears rare that these people end up being part of our lives once we reach adulthood anyway. More often, it is our college friends, colleagues, and 'mommy friends' who stick with us later on. I have one friend I remain in contact with from high school. The rest of my friends I met through my chosen activities, work, college, or my community. Or Facebook! Ha! But anyway, perhaps because people mention it constantly, this topic does still kind of get to me.
I guess this means my list of positives greatly overshadows the list of not-so-positives. Which I already knew, and it is why I decided to homeschool my son for sure and why I am considering homeschooling R as well. But with just over a month to go, the nerves are working overtime!
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