It might surprise many people to know that I believe my children will receive more social benefits from being homeschooled (see my previous post here). What probably won't surprise them is my concern about the growing epidemic of bullying in our public schools. Overcrowded schools with kids who bully and teachers who don't care and administrators who don't do their jobs are more common, both in my experience and what I gather from others, that most any of us would be comfortable with if we allowed ourselves to think about it. The impact of bullying and very real psychological damage done by the less fabulous social aspects of public school is downplayed severely. "Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it," according to BullyingStatistics.org, and a British study (available at the same site) says that about half of suicides among young people are due to bullying. Further, consider that 1 in 4 children are bullied, and only about 58% report it. Those are some sobering statistics. Bullying-related suicide deaths are a growing epidemic in our country. Meanwhile, I have never heard of a child committing suicide because they were homeschooled.
In the two years my daughter was in preschool, and the one year my son attended, they were not bullied even once. They loved school and looked forward to going. But there were key differences between preschool and elementary school; a smaller teacher to student ratio (1:8), more structure, and very little random free time. Classes were 3x weekly for a couple of hours, and we all received a detailed typed report of everything the children had done that day and what they would be doing next time.
Elementary school was like jumping into a cold pool for me; the shock was palpable. There were no more detailed communications of what my daughter was doing, the days were much longer and 5 days/week, and there were bullies. Bullies on the bus, bullies in the lunch room, bullies on the playground, bullies from other classes, and even a bully for a gym teacher who went so far as to tell lies about my child to justify her poor handling of R's sensory struggles with noise and disorganized movement. My daughter, just by the end of Kindergarten, had rock snowballs thrown at her face, had a peer spit in her face at lunchtime because my daughter simply wanted to be her friend, was injured by a boy she didn't even know 'because he felt like it', was verbally and physically bullied on the bus, and became so upset about the happenings on the bus that she asked me to start driving her to school. That was quite significant, since she had spent years watching the bus do morning and afternoon runs by our home with great anticipation of the day she could finally ride it.
But it's not just bullying; it can also be compromising who you are to be part of the in crowd. The characteristics that will get you ahead in life are not typically the ones valued by peers. In fact, they just might make you a target. We need only look to the popular television shows on Nickelodeon to see what matters to school-age children. Spoiled, entitled behavior is rampant, elementary students are walking around texting with their own cell phones, and everyone is keeping up with the Jones'. A boy who is good at sports or a girl who has great hair and brand name clothes is far more likely to get positive feedback from peers than they would for being in honors math or being accepted to Yale.
Highly intelligent students typically have different priorities and interests. For some, this doesn't affect their social lives, but for many it does. If you don't see that easily at first glance, it is probably because there are many highly intelligent children not living up to their potential because school is a hostile environment for them, or because they have such a desire to fit in and be accepted that they make that their priority. I don't want my children to ever feel like their education has to include a popularity contest, or that they have to sacrifice who they are to be accepted.
Catch-all statements like "kids need to go to [public] school" are frustrating to me. I choose to homeschool my children, but I would never say that all kids need to be homeschooled. I simply don't believe either statement is true. Public school was okay, when you balance the positives (wonderful teachers) and negatives (bullying, family disconnect). But it was just okay. And I want better for my children than "okay".
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