Compulsory

Compulsory school attendance. When I think of traditional public school, and my own experience in it, the word compulsory seems very fitting. From Merriam-Webster:

com·pul·so·ry
1. Required by law or a rule; obligatory.
2. Involving or exercising compulsion; coercive.

Starting my children off in a system where, by nature and name, they would be coerced, required and obligated to learn felt wrong.

Let's examine those words a little further. From Dictionary.com:

com·pul·sive
1. Resulting from or relating to an irresistible urge, esp. one that is against one's conscious wishes: "compulsive eating".
2. (of a person) Acting as a result of such an urge.

co·er·cive: Adjective: Relating to or using force or threats: "coercive measures".

My children have learned a lot already, more than is expected at the time they reached the age of compulsory school attendance. But they were never obligated. They were never coerced. They never obtained information in a compulsive manner. Learning was an enjoyable, mostly child-led activity, which was certainly not ruled with an iron fist and done under threat of penalty of law.

Considering what learning means to me and my husband, versus what learning appears to mean (by its very definition) to our public education system, it is clear that we are not all on the same page. My husband and I value education, if perhaps for different reasons than the education system values it. We believe it is important, even necessary, but we also truly enjoy learning. I will assume it is no coincidence that our children also enjoy learning. So, with this in mind, it is no wonder I cringed at the mere thought of introducing our children to a school system that values conformity, unquestioning obedience, and the "banking concept" of education (Google Paulo Friere or Pedagogy of the Oppressed) over the individuality, curiosity, and hands-on experiential learning we had encouraged in our children.

Knowing that we are a different breed, the husband and I, I figured it was probably for the best to encourage our children to be happy little sheeple who did as they were told with a smile and a skip in their step. And while that worked, at least on the surface and as far as the school system was concerned, for our daughter, two things gnawed at me from the edges of my consciousness. One was that my daughter's endless smiles had become a finite resource as she experienced the bullying that is too often dismissed as a rite of passage for school-age children, and I was so not okay with that. I spent nights awake crying, looking at my precious girl as she slept, wondering how long it would be before it ruined her.

The other issue is that my son is the apple who does not fall far from the tree. I will assume that my daughter got her easy-going, accepting manner from her dad, but my son is all me. What my daughter will accept and let roll off her back, my son will fight with ardent determination until justice is achieved. Nothing else in the world matters until that goal is met. And that, as I am sorely aware, is not a good fit with the public education system. Add to that the fact that my son has a diagnosis of autism and a speech disorder, both of which are exacerbated by stress, and the possible scenarios literally kept me awake at night until my husband and I agreed that homeschooling was the best option.

Public education clearly works for many children. I'm not saying that all parents should immediately remove their children from the public school system and homeschool them. This blog is about my own feelings, my own family, and what I feel works best for us. What I am saying is that we should stop accepting bullying as a rite of passage, examine the definitions of words like compulsory, and realize that children are individuals and act accordingly instead of determinedly trying to pound square pegs into round holes.

School starts Monday. I no longer dread my children starting school. I am enjoying autumn for the first time in years without a knot in my middle about what unpleasantness lurks in the halls of the elementary school and how many calls I will get about bullying incidents, injuries, or other issues. Or worse, the calls I won't get.

I will not harbor feelings of bitterness as months pass by without a single call from the head classroom parent for any of the activities or parties because she has already called her friends to participate. Nor will I have to endure more questions from my children as to why Sally and Joey's mommies are there all the time and I am not. I will be there for all of it. I will be mom, and mom is teacher by default.