Homeschooling and Feeling Thankful

I think it is easy to go through daily life without truly being thankful we are for what we have in the moment.  Certainly,  I'm among the many who have taken things for granted.  The exception seems to be when we have experienced loss, suffering, pain, or difficult times for a long duration, and then we find ourselves in a situation which brings relief.

Since we started homeschooling through a K12 school, I can honestly say that even on the "worst" of days, I feel thankful and grateful to have the opportunity.  Sure, we get grumpy sometimes, and on occasion there is a difficult lesson that we're all thrilled to just be done with.  For the most part, though, we enjoy life so much more than we did during those two truly miserable years when Reezle attended our local public elementary school. There are no bullies, no revolting odors wafting in from the cafeteria, no morning (with the exception of state testing days) where the kids have to drag themselves out of bed before they're good and rested, and no crammed evenings of stressful rushing through mountains of homework and bath times.

My dad visited yesterday, and we spent most of the day working in the garage.  Because of our amazingly flexible schooling schedule, the kids were able to work ahead this week and had plenty of time to spend with their Papa.  We had a great time, and enjoyed a pizza picnic in the yard under a tree.

Does this count as art class?

After my dad left, the kids and I decided to take a walk through the woods.  On our way there, the school bus (my daughter's previous assigned bus) drove past us.  At that moment, Reezle and I just looked at each other and smiled.  We were grateful.  So grateful.  Having family time is a priceless gift. 

Walking through the woods

We spent the remainder of our blistering hot (I swear, it felt like 100 degrees outside) late afternoon/early evening in the cool woods beneath the shade of the trees, following trails and making our own, hoping to find some cool frogs.  We didn't find frogs, but we found a lot of happiness and reasons to smile and laugh, and fallen trees to play tightrope on.  And I was grateful.  Nothing in this world makes me happier than spending time with my kids and my dad.

Tree walker Reezle

Homeschooling my children has taught me a lot about being grateful in the moment, about their strengths and my own, and proves to all of us on a daily basis that we are capable of accomplishing anything we set our minds to.  Family is so important, especially to young children.  We don't get these precious years back, and I am thankful beyond words that I get to be more of a part of their young years than I would if they were behind the walls of a brick and mortar school.

As an added bonus, we are doing a more independent and family-centered model of the program this year, and they both have the same contact teacher.  She is amazing, someone who truly cares about the families she is working with, and we feel even more fortunate because we have her.  Yes, we have many, many reasons to be thankful.

Recommended links:
http://www.k12.com
http://www.abcya.com

The Chore Bucket Debate

Last week, a photo of a chore ransom bucket circulated the internet, from Facebook to Pinterest, receiving rave reviews from parents who thought it just might be one of the Best Inventions Ever.


The basic idea can be garnered from the little poem taped to the bucket. Initially, I thought about how fast I could make one of these up and put it into use in our home. Admittedly, my kids probably have relatively few toys compared to their peers because leaving them out has resulted in many a donation and/or trip to the curb on garbage day. Giving my children the opportunity to earn back their toys could teach responsibility and would make more sense than throwing otherwise good things away. I shared the picture on Facebook, it was widely Liked, and I had every intention of creating my own version of the Earn Back Your Toys Bucket inside of a week.

And then I received a counter message link to a blog from one of my favorite AP (attachment parenting) sites. At first, I felt like a really horrible parent for even considering the chore bucket! I posted the link on Facebook to find out what my friends think, since I consider them to be an intelligent and well-rounded group of people. The response was in support of the chore bucket, with no variation. So I spent some time thinking about this, and came to the following conclusions. I'll go through them point by point.

Point 1: It's not nice, and you wouldn't accept your husband doing something similar to you if you left your cell phone out.

No, I wouldn't. However, it is not my husband's job to teach me responsibility. It IS my job to teach my child responsibility.

Point 2: It teaches that chores are punishments.

At first, I agreed. However, after considering it further, I realized that chores are not necessarily a punishment in this context, but a tool to earn back something they treated irresponsibly. As adults, we all experience consequences to irresponsibility. This method prepares children for life in a much less cruel manner than life can deliver lessons of its own. Also, yes, not putting your things away is a bad idea, particularly when we live in a world where we need to lock our things up so they don't get stolen. It's also rude to leave your things scattered all over a house that someone else worked to clean up. Should we teach children that this is acceptable by doing and saying nothing?

Point 3: We're blaming children for something we do ourselves.

Yes, we all forget our things from time to time. Typically, though, it has consequences when we do. If we leave our toys (i.e. cell phone, iPad, etc.) out around the house when he have a toddler, we're likely going to get it back with 9 phone calls made to various contacts and half a bucket of slobber all over it. We learn from this and we're more careful to take better care of our things next time. The bloggers assertion that we're not "punished" for forgetting to put our things away is erroneous.

Point 4: The chore bucket creates an us versus them mentality.

No, it doesn't. In terms of basic human rights, we should be on a level playing field. But I think the blogger who wrote this seems to forget that we owe it to our children to teach them responsibility. You can be "on the same team" as your children and still use a chore bucket.

Point 5: It's a temporary fix.

I don't think it is. It might require multiple teachings, but I believe children can learn from this and will be more likely to take more personal responsibility in the future to avoid losing certain things. The blogger goes on to say, "What’s he going to do when he lives on his own and can leave his stuff wherever he damn well pleases, without fear of someone snatching it?" I'd like to know where and on what planet I could do this. Even in one's own home, if you have children or roommates, all bets are off.

I consider myself to be an attachment parent. I believe in infant co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, no-spanking, and respecting children's basic human rights. I also believe we have to prepare them to live in this world. I do not believe that the chore bucket goes against attachment parenting philosophies. And you know, even if it does, I'm okay with that. Extremism exists in every ideology, and I don't care for extremes.

Let Me Tell You How I Really Feel About Public Schools

The decision to homeschool was one that had been somewhere in the recesses of my mind since the pregnancy test came back positive. In fact, it was something I'd thought about even before that, due to my own experiences with the public education system. I had always considered it a 13-year prison sentence, personally. However, due to sufficient brainwashing, from which I have since deprogrammed myself, I also believed that school could actually be a good thing with the right support and conditions.

Undoubtedly, there will be no shortage of people who can attest to the truth of either side of this argument. After all, I was quite bipolar about it depending on the day. But I have learned a few things, through observation, experience, and real world education. I have come to the decision, which you can applaud or vilify me for, that I was correct in my assessment of public education as a prison sentence. I will share with you why.

In recent years, there seems to have been a precipitous drop in the use of common sense in dealing with problems which plague public schools. Most of the problems don't actually need to be problems in the first place. Take, for example, the news reports of elementary-age children being suspended or even expelled for such innocent behaviors as giving a classmate a kiss on the cheek or drawing a self-portrait including a friend and a water gun. I cannot begin to imagine the confusion and fear these children must have felt over being so severely punished for such innocuous behaviors.

I suppose it's a good thing, considering the fallout of children having time to actually interact with their peers, that schools are slowly but surely phasing out recess. This is apparently so they have more time to fill the kids' little brain containers with the rote memory tasks that will ensure the best scores on state testing - never mind that this isn't real learning and they'll forget most of it by the following school year. Hey! They scored in a range of excellence, so the schools must be doing something right! Wrong. Children need free time. They need to play. Children are built to play, and it is how they learn. Inadequate play time goes against every natural instinct a child has.

Ah, but then you can just medicate those unruly children, hyped up from a miserable combination of their nutritionally-deficient cafeteria carbohydrate slop load and lack of adequate down time between cram sessions. It's easier to pathologize behavior that can't be easily controlled, rather than admitting it is a natural consequence of essentially messing with nature by forcing children to be the opposite of what they are. Currently, more than 25% of U.S. children are on prescription medication. Ironically, we're drowning publicly-schooled children with war-on-drugs propaganda while simultaneously pumping them full of Ritalin and other psychiatric medications. When I was a kid, parents and teachers were concerned about us being hyped up on too much sugar. Kids today are snorting and selling their Ritalin. All of these unnecessary drugs are turning young children into drug dealers.

And, oh yes, this brings more consequences. Drug sniffing dogs and SWAT teams, metal detectors and random searches. My, what little criminals they must be! Or...not. The FDA acknowledges that some antidepressant medications can cause suicidal behaviors and other brain dysfunction. Could it be that the disastrous things happening to our children and in our schools is being perpetuated by these drugs and not prevented by them? I'm firmly believe it.

Of course, there is also the bullying, the verbally abusive teachers, the school administrators on power trips, the mental programming delivered via advertising piped into the schools, the severe disconnect between children and their families and the lack of opportunities for most parents to be involved, the financially-driven attendance policies that have parents with the constant threat of criminal liability over their heads if Timmy happens to miss more school days than the district thinks he should, and let's not forget the all-important dress code! Wait, you didn't know there was a dress code? Oh yes. It's unwritten, but your kid is expected to know it and comply, and it involves copious amounts of money so he or she can fit in and (hopefully) avoid some of the peer-perpetrated abuse that would result from committing the sin of not wearing whichever brand is deemed "cool" at any particular moment for whatever arbitrary reason.

And finally, the public school system violates my beliefs and principles as an attachment parent. Homeschooling is a natural continuation of what we have been doing as parents from the moment our children entered this world; we guide them, encourage their interests, foster a love of experiential learning (zoo or museum, anyone?) and reading for enjoyment as well as information, share in the experience of learning, provide opportunities for them to interact with children of all ages - not just their identically age-matched peers, and provide them with as much time as they need to play.

Yes, public brick and mortar schools suck. If children come out without psychological damage and with an education that genuinely reflects their actual potential, I call that a miracle. And I know there are teachers who take offense to this, but this is not about you. I'm sure there are also parents who don't care for my assessment and will adamantly protest and say that public education was the best thing that ever happened to their child(ren). You're not the ones I'm talking about. This is about all the other schools and teachers.

Recommended: The War on Kids documentary, available on Netflix

A Disturbing Trend

Back in April, an Ohio mother made headlines when she publicly humiliated her daughter on Facebook, supposedly because the girl had been disrespectful. More recently, another mom decided to humiliate her own daughter in a similar manner. I fear a trend is starting here.

With suicide being a leading cause of death among young people and at least half of those being attributed to bullying, I don't think parents need to give bullies any fodder by participating in the public humiliation of their own children. There are better ways to parent. I also think that children should be talked to in depth about what it means to participate in social media, with the mantra "don't put anything online that you are not okay with everyone in the entire world seeing", before children are ever allowed to create an online account. My children are only 6 and 8, but this is a conversation we've already been having for a while. I want to make sure that they are very aware of the huge responsibility that comes with participating in social media.

Children make mistakes. This is a very normal part of growing up. These mistakes should be teachable moments when they happen, not opportunities to break a child's spirit. Humiliation might seem like a great deterrent, but the only thing this teaches is shame and fear. Any apparent positive results from this are based in fear, not self-respect or a true desire to make good choices. Humiliation is not loving parenting, and it is not necessary.


Parenting and raising children is not about scaring, beating, shaming, and humiliating children into submission - or at least it shouldn't be. Compassion, respect, and keeping an open dialogue going about issues which are important will yield results that everyone can appreciate. Children of parents who have humiliated and shamed them about any issue are unlikely to come to their parents when other issues arise, whether related or not, particularly if they already feel any embarrassment about the new topic. Building their self-esteem in health ways, not tearing it down because they've made a mistake, is a way to ensure that the good choices children make will be more as a result of their own self-respect and a healthy (not fearful) desire to please their family.

Parental bullying is emotional abuse. We do not get adults to do what we want by terrifying them into submission, so why should we do this to our children who depend on us for their validation, love, security, comfort, and the building blocks of their self-esteem? An honest, ongoing dialogue about important issues between parents and their children are the best way to deal with these issues before they become issues. Being a parent isn't easy. Being a dictator is, because it requires no effort to bully someone over whom you have complete physical and legal control. But hammering a child into submission by way of shame and fear is not parenting.

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln