The basic idea can be garnered from the little poem taped to the bucket. Initially, I thought about how fast I could make one of these up and put it into use in our home. Admittedly, my kids probably have relatively few toys compared to their peers because leaving them out has resulted in many a donation and/or trip to the curb on garbage day. Giving my children the opportunity to earn back their toys could teach responsibility and would make more sense than throwing otherwise good things away. I shared the picture on Facebook, it was widely Liked, and I had every intention of creating my own version of the Earn Back Your Toys Bucket inside of a week.
And then I received a counter message link to a blog from one of my favorite AP (attachment parenting) sites. At first, I felt like a really horrible parent for even considering the chore bucket! I posted the link on Facebook to find out what my friends think, since I consider them to be an intelligent and well-rounded group of people. The response was in support of the chore bucket, with no variation. So I spent some time thinking about this, and came to the following conclusions. I'll go through them point by point.
Point 1: It's not nice, and you wouldn't accept your husband doing something similar to you if you left your cell phone out.
No, I wouldn't. However, it is not my husband's job to teach me responsibility. It IS my job to teach my child responsibility.
Point 2: It teaches that chores are punishments.
At first, I agreed. However, after considering it further, I realized that chores are not necessarily a punishment in this context, but a tool to earn back something they treated irresponsibly. As adults, we all experience consequences to irresponsibility. This method prepares children for life in a much less cruel manner than life can deliver lessons of its own. Also, yes, not putting your things away is a bad idea, particularly when we live in a world where we need to lock our things up so they don't get stolen. It's also rude to leave your things scattered all over a house that someone else worked to clean up. Should we teach children that this is acceptable by doing and saying nothing?
Point 3: We're blaming children for something we do ourselves.
Yes, we all forget our things from time to time. Typically, though, it has consequences when we do. If we leave our toys (i.e. cell phone, iPad, etc.) out around the house when he have a toddler, we're likely going to get it back with 9 phone calls made to various contacts and half a bucket of slobber all over it. We learn from this and we're more careful to take better care of our things next time. The bloggers assertion that we're not "punished" for forgetting to put our things away is erroneous.
Point 4: The chore bucket creates an us versus them mentality.
No, it doesn't. In terms of basic human rights, we should be on a level playing field. But I think the blogger who wrote this seems to forget that we owe it to our children to teach them responsibility. You can be "on the same team" as your children and still use a chore bucket.
Point 5: It's a temporary fix.
I don't think it is. It might require multiple teachings, but I believe children can learn from this and will be more likely to take more personal responsibility in the future to avoid losing certain things. The blogger goes on to say, "What’s he going to do when he lives on his own and can leave his stuff wherever he damn well pleases, without fear of someone snatching it?" I'd like to know where and on what planet I could do this. Even in one's own home, if you have children or roommates, all bets are off.
I consider myself to be an attachment parent. I believe in infant co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, no-spanking, and respecting children's basic human rights. I also believe we have to prepare them to live in this world. I do not believe that the chore bucket goes against attachment parenting philosophies. And you know, even if it does, I'm okay with that. Extremism exists in every ideology, and I don't care for extremes.
I want to scream from the roof tops...I love this idea!!!!! I'm so doing this, thanks!!!
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