A Disturbing Trend

Back in April, an Ohio mother made headlines when she publicly humiliated her daughter on Facebook, supposedly because the girl had been disrespectful. More recently, another mom decided to humiliate her own daughter in a similar manner. I fear a trend is starting here.

With suicide being a leading cause of death among young people and at least half of those being attributed to bullying, I don't think parents need to give bullies any fodder by participating in the public humiliation of their own children. There are better ways to parent. I also think that children should be talked to in depth about what it means to participate in social media, with the mantra "don't put anything online that you are not okay with everyone in the entire world seeing", before children are ever allowed to create an online account. My children are only 6 and 8, but this is a conversation we've already been having for a while. I want to make sure that they are very aware of the huge responsibility that comes with participating in social media.

Children make mistakes. This is a very normal part of growing up. These mistakes should be teachable moments when they happen, not opportunities to break a child's spirit. Humiliation might seem like a great deterrent, but the only thing this teaches is shame and fear. Any apparent positive results from this are based in fear, not self-respect or a true desire to make good choices. Humiliation is not loving parenting, and it is not necessary.


Parenting and raising children is not about scaring, beating, shaming, and humiliating children into submission - or at least it shouldn't be. Compassion, respect, and keeping an open dialogue going about issues which are important will yield results that everyone can appreciate. Children of parents who have humiliated and shamed them about any issue are unlikely to come to their parents when other issues arise, whether related or not, particularly if they already feel any embarrassment about the new topic. Building their self-esteem in health ways, not tearing it down because they've made a mistake, is a way to ensure that the good choices children make will be more as a result of their own self-respect and a healthy (not fearful) desire to please their family.

Parental bullying is emotional abuse. We do not get adults to do what we want by terrifying them into submission, so why should we do this to our children who depend on us for their validation, love, security, comfort, and the building blocks of their self-esteem? An honest, ongoing dialogue about important issues between parents and their children are the best way to deal with these issues before they become issues. Being a parent isn't easy. Being a dictator is, because it requires no effort to bully someone over whom you have complete physical and legal control. But hammering a child into submission by way of shame and fear is not parenting.

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln