Aztec Turquoise Cat

We recently studied Aztec turquoise. Reezle chose to draw a cat face for her own artwork. I think it turned out really cool!

Review: Different Like Me, My Book of Autism Heroes

The other night, just before bed, my 6 year-old son proudly proclaimed, "I'm HAPPY I have autism!" He went on to tell me it's because his brain is "interesting and smart". I can't argue with him there.

We had just read some of the book Different Like Me, and he found Nikola Tesla and Temple Grandin most interesting. My daughter liked Einstein and Tesla best.

I love that there is a book like this, which celebrates the positives of being on the spectrum. I firmly believe there are gifts in every challenge, and autism is absolutely one of the most profound examples of that. Though it is not possible to say with certainty whether all of the individuals in this book would have received a diagnosis on the autism spectrum, they do at least share many familiar traits. In a society that seems all too eager to point out what cannot be accomplished because of autism, this book is about possibilities and potentials, about focusing on strengths and developing one's gifts, and about how much one person can contribute to the world in spite of challenges and differences.

The book might be a bit dry for younger children, but probably great for the 8 and up group who are beginning to understand what their diagnosis is and what it means. I love positive and empowering children's books, and this is definitely among them. Rather than the redundant, patronizing attempts at "acceptance" that too many other books throw out at us, this book focuses more on the individual and their accomplishments and contributions to the world - without the seemingly obligatory "even though they had autism" qualifier.

Middle Eastern Rug Design

We recently studied some of the cultures and history of the Middle East. Meanwhile, we studied some Middle Eastern art forms in art class. Combining the two, Reezle drew this bright, colorful "Middle Eastern" rug. Love it!

I hope you'll pardon the magnets, but I have it hanging on the fridge already.

Autism

I'd like to tell you that autism is all about gifts and abilities and geniuses people like Einstein and Nicola Tesla and Temple Grandin. I'd like to say that I've never felt like a bad mom because of autism's challenges and the epic patience it sometimes calls for, and that every day is just as simple for us as it is for any family.



But I can't tell you that.

Every day, there is more confirmation for me that I made the right choice for my son with regard to homeschooling. Intellectually, he's ahead of his sister and often helps her study her spelling words or understand a math problem. Emotionally, he's very, very young.

Knee-jerk reactions have to be avoided when you have an autistic child. It's easy to look at a kid who is beating the living hell out of a stuffed toy, growling hateful words about himself because he didn't meet his own perfectionistic criteria or because he heard the words "no" or "wait", and think to yourself, little dude needs a time-out. It's much more difficult to consider what he's actually feeling.

To most people, it looks like he just threw a screaming fit because I put his ketchup too close to his green beans. But Little G feels everything so deeply, every emotion and sensation in his sensory world. At all times, he's making a very effortful and conscious attempt to filter the sensory stimuli most of us don't even notice; our brains have excellent gatekeepers that tell us which sensory input is important and which is not. G does not have this feature, so his world is BRIGHT, LOUD, CLOSE, AND IN CONSTANT MOTION. It's like living life with the volume on everything turned up just to the point where it's really annoying and you can barely function unless it gets turned down. Only, he can't turn it down.

And not only is he dealing with the sensory overload aspect, but also the fact that he feels very deeply, very intensely, every emotion that he experiences. He feels emotion to the point of excess, basically, and it is overwhelming - especially when the emotion is anger or based on some injustice, either perceived or actual.

I get all of this, I do. But I also walk on eggshells somewhat. I love the moments where is personality shines through all the junk he has to cope with daily. Even though it looks like he has no patience, I will argue that he has more than most adults need to cope with daily life. But I find myself frustrated sometimes, and today was one of those days.

There are many books on autism, anger, autism and anger, and so forth. And I think I've read a library's worth of them. I've bought just about every children's book on the topic I could find. The results of trying to deal with this from an anger standpoint have basically yielded no results. Conceptually, he gets it; he just can't seem to implement it. So I'm trying a new approach now. I'm going to introduce my son to mindfulness and meditation. He can't change his feelings, but he can change how he responds. Acceptance, like riding the wave to shore instead of trying to fight through it to the other side, may be the path he needs to try now.

I know he struggles. He's my baby, and knowing how miserable he is so much of the time makes me hurt. I want to fix it. The right tools are out there, to empower him. I just need to find what works.

My Brother Charlie Book Review

I recently picked up a copy of My Brother Charlie for my kids after seeing some rave reviews of it online. Because it was so highly-rated, I didn't even flip through it until I had it home. Mistake.

The very first things that made me say, uh oh, this might not be what I was looking for... were the puzzle pieces scattered on the inside of the book jacket. I know some people like to say that autistic children are little puzzles, but I absolutely detest that metaphor. My child isn't a puzzle, he's a person. Just because he thinks differently and sometimes acts differently than children his age doesn't mean he's a puzzle that needs to be solved. But I wasn't going to let the artwork make my decision on the book. And, as it turns out, it didn't have to.

The general feel of the supposed "acceptance" message in this book felt condescending, like "Yeah, Charlie is broken, but we love him anyway," rather than true acceptance. Granted, the boy in the story was non-verbal, but even that aspect could have had a more positive spin than talking about how Mommy cried because the doctors told her Charlie would never say 'I Love You'. Yes, poor Mommy, because her son isn't going to express love the way she wants him to, to make her feel good. My son didn't need words to express love. I'm fairy certain no one does. I absolutely loathe how the world has such a narrow view of what people should be and how they should act.

In another part of the story, Charlie's sister discusses how he sometimes "ruins" playdates by, well, being himself. Apparently, in his family, needing to be alone and away from people is unacceptable and highly annoying.

Another thing I found abrasive was the statement, "Charlie has autism. But autism doesn't have Charlie." I would expect someone to say this about a disease, like diabetes or cancer. Autism is a neurological difference. Of course it doesn't "have" anyone. That bit reminded me of the horrific I Am Autism video that the deplorable organization Autism Speaks put out not long ago as part of their fear propaganda. It made my skin crawl.

I mean, I don't know. Children are naturally a bit selfish, and maybe that's why the book has those undertones to it. For the purpose of relating. But I thought it was so bad that I didn't even give it to my kids to read, I just took it back.

My position on autism may be different from that of others. For me, my hopes are that my son lives a happy, fulfilling, meaningful, rich life, whatever that means for him. I really don't care about anything else, or anyone else's opinions. I wouldn't change him for anything, because everyone has challenges and this just happens to be the one we deal with.

Zombies

A few nights ago, after seeing Walking Dead (a television show, in case you've been living under a rock like me when it comes to popular shows) mentioned so many times on Facebook that I just had to ask (and still wish I hadn't), Reezle overheard me talking about my horrifying introduction via YouTube clips to her dad. So at bedtime, we have the following conversation:

R: "I heard you talking to dad about a zombie show."

Me: "Uh huh. I don't plan to watch it. Five minutes was more than enough."

R: "Zombies are gross. Their arms fall right off and stuff."

Me: "Yeah. They are kinda gross."

R: "You know, some people think zombies are real."

Me:"Oh yeah?"

R: "Yeah. In fact, when they meet new people, they give their arm a good pull just in case."

I laughed for about 10 minutes.

(No offense to the billion of you who like Walking Dead. It gives me the creeps.)