Stuff People Say to Speech Parents

When my son was just 2 years old, he was referred for a speech evaluation by the doctors who diagnosed him with autism. At age 2, Little G had the speech of a 12-15 month-old. Speech therapy was unavailable for various reasons, and we were expected to play the waiting game. Thing is, I wasn't having any of it. I started researching various options and found Baby Signing Time. I cannot even begin to express what an asset those DVDs were. We bought a few and borrowed many through the inter-library loan program, which brings materials from libraries throughout the county to those who request them. It prepared Little G well for speech therapy when we eventually did obtain services for him; prior to learning sign language, he had resorted to massive meltdowns any time he wanted or needed something because the stress of what it took for him to communicate was utterly overwhelming.

Now, as his 7th birthday approaches, he still struggles with speech but has come a very long way. His official diagnosis is "expressive-receptive speech disorder", which basically means that he has two-way communication deficits; there is difficulty processing what goes into his brain and what his brain can do in terms of speech production. It is a disorder, not a delay, and it will likely be lifelong.

Early on, when I shared with others that my son had a speech disorder and was in therapy for it, I heard a lot of trite statements regurgitated almost verbatim. I never realized that just about everyone, for example, has a family member who didn't say a word until age 4, at which point they spoke a complete and very witty sentence and never stopped talking for more than five minutes in the 40 years since. Also abundant are younger siblings who just never bothered to speak because their older sibling(s) did it for them. Another standard response was, "He'll talk when he's ready/when he wants to."

None of these things are helpful or reassuring, unless your point is to reassure me that you are completely clueless about my son's diagnosis. These all imply also that I need some sort of coddling or reassurance that my son will someday be "normal" by your definition, or that we have something to feel bad about. He's already normal by my definition and always has been, and frankly, I don't really care about your definition. Everyone has their challenges, this is one of his, and it's not a big deal. It is frustrating for him, and sometimes for us, due to the nature of the challenges posed by a two-way communication disorder. But it can be dealt with, just like people deal with any other challenge in life.

You may be wondering how, then, to respond to a friend or family member whose child has just been diagnosed with a speech disorder. First, don't go repeating some tripe you've heard regurgitated ad nauseum by others. You don't know the child's projected trajectory, and you may not have ever personally encountered a child with the same disorder, so you end up coming across as offensive and sounding like an ass. Personally, I am open to questions. When people ask questions, it tells me they are interested in understanding rather than just pretending they understand. If you have experience with a speech success story, feel free to share it. If you have experience with any speech disorder, feel free to share it. We probably just need you to listen, and if you feel the need to offer something but don't know what, simply letting us know that you have confidence in how we're handling it is nice to hear.